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My life changed the morning I witnessed my friend have a diabetic seizure.

nivanova889 1 / -  
Jun 27, 2012   #1
I am beginning to piece together my personal statement for PA school.

I want it to be unique and attention grabbing. I want to be completely honest and share my motivations.

I'd like to start out by stating how I decided to pursue a PA career, when I saw my boyfriend have a diabetic seizure. I have read that it does not look good when you mention boyfriend, so websites suggested using the word friend, instead.

So far I have..
My life changed the morning I witnessed my friend have a diabetic seizure.

From here, I plan on talking about how this inspired me to learn about the human body and diabetes type 1 in particular. I have been involved with Junior Diabetes Research Foundation in order to find a cure by raising money and taking part in the community. This event has also inspired me to pursue Endocrinology in a pediatric setting, this is ideally where I'd like to be 10 years from now as a PA.

Any comments on my opening sentence? Again, I want to grab attention and I do not want to be like every other applicant.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Jun 27, 2012   #2
I think your opening sentence is perfect, as it is an attention grabber, making your essay immediately interesting. It's the ones that start with 'since as far back as I can remember...' that are sure to be boring. When you make it personal, as you're doing, whoever reads it will see you more as a person than just another essay. I can tell already, that you're a good writer, so I think you'll do fine. When you're finished, send it back through and we'll have another look.

deepakbaniya 3 / 92 2  
Jun 27, 2012   #3
Neli, if you could desribe the atmosphere while seizure happened , I mean describing whole "picture in the word"... his posture, color of the rooms, helf eaten food, eyes from family potrait lying on table constantly watching him... You picture the whole scene ...

open up the essay with such paragraph, it would be the best attention grabber! my 2 cents!
Opara 1 / 14  
Jun 27, 2012   #4
Try to connect the event to emotions. If you can make the adcoms feel the same way you felt, then You're doing it!

Also stitch up the closure with a personal thread. Connect it to Your boyfriend's seizure. It will come off with a forceful punch.. We await you new thread. Goodluck.

Moderator and friends,Please look at mine.
Vineesha 1 / 7  
Jun 27, 2012   #5
The opening line is quite good. You're a good writer already! bang up job!
When you finish writing it, do post it.
All the best with ur article :-)

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