I would like to know how much band score can I get in IELTS?

QUESTION:
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your answer with examples and relevant evidence.

ANSWER:
I strongly believe that both father and mother are equally responsible for nurturing their children. The following reasons may further support what I have mentioned.

In the past, gender discrimination was very strong on women in some countries and it was considered women to be responsible for upbringing children. But nowadays, the role of women has changed a lot and most women have been already employed in high positions. As a result of this, most married women have less time to look after their children and to talk and play together with them. So, it would be better if father could also give time to their children for parental responsibilities. For example, he should spend as much time as his job allows with his children, play with them, read to them, help directly with their education, participate very fully in their lives and encourage them to share his.

Secondly, it is essential for a child to experience love and care form both father and mother to attain a good character. It is also a kind of emotional support for a child. Recent researches claimed that a child who receive love from both of his parents has a stronger sense of humor than the one who do not. Moreover, a child may suffer some mental problems if he/she does not receive adequate care from his/her parents. A child who feels the absence of a parent's role or of a parent in his/her childhood could be affected by it which would lead to further complications in his/her adult life as well.

In a nutshell, paternal parenting is good for a child's physical, psychological and behavioral improvements. Father's influence translates the children into well-adjusted children, So, I pen down saying that I do not think that fathers' role is less important or less effective than mothers' in raising children.

Band Score: 5

Sandy,the most important part of any exam essay is the introduction. That is the launching pad of the essay and depicts the most important points that are being considered as part of your final essay grade. You failed to create a proper introduction for your essay. there wa sno clear set up for the topic to be discussed and you only used 2 sentences to create your introduction. If you write less than 3 sentences, your introduction lacks in content and information. It becomes nothing but a word filler in the essay. That is what happened in this case. It was ill developed and did not help to create an impression that you have very good English understanding and writing skills. What is missing in the introduction? We need to read about the extent of your agreement or disagreement to the statement made at the end of the introduction.

When writing in the English language, the default gender for the person is always "He" because America is represented by the image of Uncle Sam. So you don't need to say he/she or him/her in your discussion. Just say "He" and the examiner will know what you mean. When you use the He/She format to discuss, it clutters the page and breaks the concentration of the examiner. Which leads to a confusing read of your essay. Anything that will distract the examiner and force him to refocus his thoughts in order to process what you are trying to say is not going to be good for your score.

By the way, where is your personal opinion in this essay? Somehow I think you are lacking that voice in this version. There should be a paragraph in this essay that starts with "In my opinion..." so that you can properly address your agreement or disagreement with the prompt. It should show up in the introduction first and then have its own, fully developed paragraph either before or leading into the concluding paragraph.

Finally, what do you mean by "So, I pen down"? Restate your opinion clearly. After all, you are concluding the statement at this point. It is already assumed that you presented your opinion earlier in the paper and you will just be summarizing the content of the essay as a part of the concluding statement.