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[IELTS] A line graph of books read by both sexes in certain years. Academic one.

Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Aug 28, 2018   #1
The graph shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

who reads more books, men or women?

The line graph indicates the quality of books that were read by males and females in the years between 2011 to 2014 at a public library in Burnaby.

The statistics suggest that 5000 books had been read by males in 2011. The trend gradually increases to 8000 books by the end of 2012. Additionally, the numbers of 2000 are added to 2013 alone until the ongoing trend passes its peak and dwindles downward to 8000 books again in 2014.

The books that were read by females, on the other hand, is starting insignificantly small, from the number of 3000 to 4000 in between 2011 and 2012. However, there is a big jump in 2013, the numbers of books rise above 10,000 at level. The uprising phenomenon does not stop at ten of thousands only, in 2014, the numbers of books reach 14,000 in total.

The data of the graph shows that men read more books than women by the additional numbers between 2000 to 4000 in the first two years. Nonetheless, the leading position has dramatically shifted when the time moves forward after mere two years. The numbers of women who read books outclass men by more than 6000 in the last year of 2014.

I am not sure if the writing structure is correct for the academic task one. I recently started doing IELTS task one academic practice as I thought it would help widen my vocabulary and to have an overall perspective on the IELTS system. I might as well take the academic one if necessary. So please, any constructive comment would be a great help to me! Thank you.

jam92 4 / 7 2  
Aug 28, 2018   #2
Jimmy, your writing is understandable and pretty good considering your first attempt. However, I am summarizing some points where you can have a look:

1. In the very first sentence, you mentioned 'quality of books', I think it would be quantity.

2. The major problem in your essay is you have misunderstood the graph. Here, in the graph legend shows blue line is for female whereas green one for male. So, in your first, second and third paragraph you interpreted all the figures actually oppositely.

3. Moreover, using some advanced vocabulary and sentence structure will increase the quality of your writing, I hope.

Thank you for your consideration.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,568 2485  
Aug 29, 2018   #3
SG, this is a good attempt at writing this essay. However, you did it without any guidelines that could help you in better presenting the information from the graph in your report. So I will focus my advice on helping you create a summary overview that will help you outline the essay report. That way, you will always have a guideline regarding the proper information for presentation throughout the essay.

So, let's start with the first paragraph. This paragraph is called the summary overview and it is comprised of the following information (in sentence form):

1. Topic for discussion
2. Type of illustration presented
3. Measurement method
4. Other information sources (optional)
5. Trending statement

In this essay, your mistake in the summary overview was that you did not indicate the colors of the line graph that represent each gender involved in the measurements. That is why you had that slight confusion when you discussed the number of books read by each gender. Had you indicated the color guide in your presentation, you would have created a very specific method of studying the graph that would have also helped you keep track of the numerical movements in the chart.

Now, the rest of the essay should present the information and comparison discussions within the remaining 3 paragraphs. Don't worry about creating a concluding presentation since this is a report, not an opinion essay.

You are still using words whose meaning you do not understand. Insignificant means that something does not matter in the presentation. However, in a Task 1 essay, all of the information is important. Nothing is ever insignificant. Keep your vocabulary simple. Do not try to use advanced vocabulary at this point. You are not yet ready for that. The most complicated words you should use in these essays should never be more than intermediate in complexity.

This is a pretty good start. Your trial is impressive in a simple manner, but has mistakes that have serious repercussions for your score. Be careful with your presentation. Read the Task 1 essay samples here to help you get ahead before you write another Task 1 essay.
OP Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Aug 30, 2018   #4
@James @Holt, Thank you for taking your time to review my work! These tips are helpful and they cleared many questions in my head about the structure of the academic task one. Have a nice day!
linhtran96 1 / 2  
Aug 30, 2018   #5
My recommendation is that you should use past simple tense for the past event description.
It's also necessary to look carefully at the graph before you write the essay. Since your writing is pretty good, the misunderstanding of the line colors may destroy your efforts in the test.

Hope you find this helpful!

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