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WRITING TASK 1: LINE GRAPH - CINEMA ATTENDANCE BY AGE GROUP IN THE UK


HuongTran 1 / -  
Sep 24, 2023   #1

cinema attendance by age group in Great Britain



The line graph highlights information about the proportion of people in four different groups who went to the cinema in the UK between 1984 and 2000.
Overall, there was a upward trend in all different age group throughout this period. It is clear that, the percentage of attendance at the cinema was the highest among 15 to 24 years old.

In 1984, 35 and over age group was 1%, in contrast to 17% of 15 to 24 age group. The proportion of attendance who aged among 25-35 and 7-14 was 4% and 10%, respectively. And then, all age groups witnessed a gradual increase from 1984 to 1994.

By 1994, just about 5% of those aged over 35 and growth to 15% in 2000. Age group 35 and over was the lowest during this period. The figures of people who went to cinema 25-35 and 7-14 years old was similar. A fluctuation was saw in 2 different age groups from 1994 to 2000, and then the percentage for those aged 15-25 and 7-14 was the same at 32%. Having reached the peak of 59% in 1999, attendance among 15-24 years old was 55% in the end of period.

images.app.goo.gl/cHEz3RVhCPnk168P7
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,976 4812  
Oct 7, 2023   #2
And then

Wrong sentence structure. You cannot use the word "and" to start a sentence. Being a conjunction, that is used to connect 2 ideas in one sentence. It was never designed to be used as a starting reference in a sentence. It creates a confusing sentence since there is no connecting idea prior to its usage that would explain why a continuing discussion is being used when there is no need to do so.

was saw

You are confusing the reader. Saw is a present form of the word. You need to use the past form which is "seen" since the activity has already taken place and has been observed in the measurement.

Your grammar problems clearly show that you will be receiving GRA deductions during an actual test.


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