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Writing task 1 about the line graph regarding household savings (Ielts)

mrbi1408 1 / 1  
Feb 28, 2019   #1

household savings as the percentage of income

Hi guys, could you guys please give me the feedback about this essay? I'm studying Ielts now and I need you guys to help me with the essay because I'm not sure it'd be okay or not. Thank you guys a lot!

The question is reporting the main features of the graph.
The graph shows household savings as the percentage of income for people living in Hong Kong.

The given graph illustrates the information about how many percent of salary of residents living in Hong Kong was used as the money mostly saved in the banks from 1980 to 2002.

It is overall that the decrease in percentage was the trend of the graph. In 1980, the first year reported, saving money's percentage was beginning at over 15 percent. However, in 2002, the last year reported, it took up around 7 percent.

Although the trend of the percentage was the decrease from 1980 to 2002, the percentage still grew up to around 17 percent before dipping to about 12 percent in 1986. During a period of 10 years between 1986 and 1996, the percentage was gradually decreased, but it dramatically increased to exactly 10 percent in 1998 and went on decreasing to nearly 5 percent in 2001. In the last year, it unexpectedly grew up to around 7 percent.

This is the image: drive.google.com/file/d/13G_VoVZLmF7NKVzn_j7_3tW2AySmSu1d/view?usp=sharing

Thank you very much!
TrcQynh 1 / 1  
Feb 28, 2019   #2
I think you should write 2 detail paragraphs and try to use more grammar structures to describe the changes during the period. The words 'increase' and 'decrease' are repeated many times, so you could paraphase these words by using their synonyms like grow, climb(=increase) or decline, drop(=decrease).
OP mrbi1408 1 / 1  
Mar 1, 2019   #3
Oh, thank you a lot! I appreciate it.

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