Writing task 1: Line graph shows the percentage of tourists....

visitors of Edinburgh attractions

The line graph illustrates the proportion of people to Scotland who visited four different temptations in Edinburgh.
Roughly speaking, the total amount of tourists who visited had a fluctuation for these years. It is worth noting that the figure for travellers who visited zoo increased dramatically, while the number of people who came to aquarium fell substantially.

In 1980, the figure for people who visited festival peaked at 30%. Fewer tourists came to aquarium and castle with 20% and about 24% respectively. Nevertheless, the number of visitors went to zoo hit to the lowest point of 10%.

By 2010, the amount of tourists who came to these places fluctuated except festival. We can see that the trend for festival was similar. The proportion of people who visited zoo fluctuated between 10% and 20% from 1980 to 2010. There was a sharp increase in tourists who visited aquarium from 20% to about 35% between 1980 and 1985 then fell substantially to about 8% in 2010. Most tourists wen to castle in the year 1995. There was a gradual increase from about 24% to about 44% by the first half of 1995. The amount of people descended gradually form about 44% to about 31% till 2010.

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@rus147
Hello there.

Welcome to the forum.

Firstly, I suggest omitting unnecessary and irrelevant lines in your essay. Because you are constrained by a word count, I recommend that you try to tailor-fit and use only terms and lines that you wish to use.

While filler words and terms that describe approximations would be helpful, they can also tend to drag your essay because you lose space to have more substantiation and depth.

Be cautious of the structure of your sentences as well. If you are unable to determine by yourself these mishaps, I recommend trying to look over reference books and materials that would help you.

In addition to this, ensure that you always use appropriate synonymous words. Clarity is crucial in writing.

Let's revise a few parts of your essay.

... four different temptations in Edinburgh.

Roughly speaking, tThe total ... visited had experienced a fluctuation for over these years. It is worth noting that t The figure ... visited zoos increased ...

Best of luck in your writing.