IELTS TASK 2: Living alone is an essential issue recently

Hi EF members! :)

Please give me some relevant feedback about Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar on this visual writing.

Question:
In recent times, many people are making the decision to live
alone.
What are the causes of this?
Does it have positive or negatives effects on society?
Answer:

In the past, living alone became a weird matter, but many people are accustomed to it nowadays. This becomes a recent updated issue in which this matter relates to some folk who decided to live by themselves. However, I would argue that there are two main causes of this problem, while it is also followed by several advantages and disadvantages, particularly its effect on other inhabitants.

With regards to the causes of staying unmarried, firstly, it is because of poor economic condition. This forces them to think twice about bonding a relationship or marry someone. For instance, a recent survey in Cambridge University has revealed that 69% of individuals with low or no income prefer to live alone. As a consequence, they will only think about how to survive than marry someone. Secondly, either poor or rich, both of them are not interested in marriage. They think that marriage will become an unwanted burden, for example. This results in the increasing number of unmarried humans. Thus, those two main reasons why dwellers decided to live alone.

Concerning to the demerits of living alone towards the society, first of all, it triggers bad impression from the citizens, such as gossiping. Second of all, this person will not have any son or daughter who can take care of himself, especially when he ill. Meanwhile, the merits of staying unmarried will convey good impression from the society, like their care. Another merit is they can remain creative or even develop themselves. For example, they can pursue their career to the highest level in which they can also devote their time to do some charity to increase the economic condition of some citizens.

In conclusion, the aforementioned evidence reveals that, dwellers are decided to live alone by several reasons. On the other hand, I would firmly argue that there are some positive and negative effects towards the society. Hence, I recommend that people are better to keep their descendants.

if you wrote Scientific research , no need to put for instance. these words are better to be used for experience


such as is used if more than one
for example : there are many goods that bring , such as camera, laptop .


it is better if you write like this
it creates a tendency of people to think that marriage will be unwanted burden, for instance

In the first line I'd rather write:

In the past, living alone was considered weird

This would also delete the redundancy with the following verb "becomes" in the second sentence.

In the second paragraph I would move firstly at the beginning of the sentence.

Hi dear, I will refer back to what you illustrated to me, trying to do the same for your writings.

Task Response:
- sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
- presents a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and supported ideas
Feedback:
-You addressed both sides and supported many of your ideas, so this is ok.

Coherence and Cohesion:
- sequences information and ideas logically
- manages all aspects of cohesion well
- uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately
Feedback:
-I think that for this points you are ok. You use paragraphs, being always extremely coherent to what you've said so far. And also the usage of linking words is pleasant and logically structured.

Lexical Resource:
- uses a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings
- skilfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation
- produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
Feedback:
- You don't seem to have great problems with spelling, maybe you need to practice a little bit more with word formation and vocabulary, to vary the most your range of words and avoid repetitions.

For example:
alone = in solitude, unaccompanied, companionless, single, solitary
If I were you, instead of weird I would probably have used: uncommon, unseen, not a popular choice, eccentric
These words are a little bit more formal, while in a speaking task I think you could also have addressed the same thing with weird, strange, freaky, etc..

I think the same stands for folk. These do not seem belonging to the range of words that you would use in a formal academic essay. Unfortunately, they're really strict about this, because we need to show them that we are able to talk with a formal style.

I could continue, if you want also poor and rich are words really common in everyday english. If you try to pretend that you were writing a speech for a class at university you would probably have chosen

people with limited finance, economical issues or needy, underprivileged to address "the poors" and
people who have extended sources of money, a great liability, prosperous, wealthy, opulent ecc. instead of rich.

You see, it instantaneously changes the final effect of your writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
- uses a wide range of structures
- the majority of sentences are error-free
- makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
Feedback:
- Why don't you try the more .. , the better.. structures or a third conditional? This may be helpful to convince people that you really know how english grammar works. However, you have still some occasional error in your grammar. This is one of my weaknesses too.

Unfortunately I am not able to give you a score, but I hope that this would give you some points to work on. Please, let me know if you're posting anything more, so that I can check you work and maybe we could improve together.