this is another toefl essay. please send me your feedback
Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in
apartments in the community. Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the
community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for your preference.
Nowadays, student who want to attend a university that is far from their hometown, have the possibility to live in the dormitories of the university or choose to live in apartment in the community. Bothe of the dormitories and the apartment has some advantages.
Nowadays, students who want to attend a university that is far from their hometown, have the possibility - I think "opportunity" will sound better - to live in the dormitories of the university or choose to live in an apartment in the community. Botheof the dormitories and the apartments have some advantages.
Some students live in the dormitory of the university, because the fees are lesser than those of apartments. - you may use singular form as well, but together with a relevant article - Especially, the students who do not have a financial support, they prefer to spend less money on the rent. As we know, students have a lot of expenditures, such as paying the tuitions of their courses, buying books, clothes and food. So they prefer to spend less in the housing.
Also the dormitory allows students to live - probably you mean this - near to the university. The student who lives in the dormitory has a direct access to the classes, to the library and to the administration. So they can avoid being late for their classes. They can stay for a long time in the library to study or make some researches without worry about transportation. -
In addition, some students prefer to live in university dormitories, because they think it is the best place for focusing in their study. They do not want to be interrupted by any thing that can prevent them from giving all their efforts in studying to study process. (NO EXAMPLES FOUND).- in my opinion, in dormitories students undergo distraction more often, since they usually occupy a room together with another student or students.
On the other hand, students who choose to live in an apartment in the community, think it is more advantageous than living in university dormitories. Even though it is more expensive to live in apartment, some students prefer to spends less in others fees .- on other stuff.- They prefer to pay more for the housing and live in a comfortable place, where they can do whatever they want. They can receive some guests, they can make a party with their friends, and they can cook by themselves.
Another advantage of living in an apartment is that the students are near close to other places in the community. They are near from close to the shopping centres, from to the museums, theaters and all famous places in the community. So they can reach the university and reach other places at the same time.faster - I think you ought to recast this sentence.
However, living in the apartment allows students to living a normal life. They want to mix pleasure with business. They want to study and live their lives without any pressure.
Personally, when I compare the different advantages of each choice, I prefer to live in an apartment in the community. I can live by my self or live with the person of my choice. I feel more comfortable in apartment because I can do whatever I want without any disturbance. If the price is the essence problem for this choice , I try to find a part time job with a well-paid wages, so I can live in an environment that allows me to be good inside of me, to do the best I can in my study and enjoy my life at the same time.
Even though the place where we live has a huge impact on the life of the students, students have to focus more in their studies and making the choice according to their financial capacity and their personalities. In the end, students have to focus more in their studies and give a less importance to those things.
- this paragraph is unnecessary, as you adhere to things that you did not mention in you essay.
Djanat, I suppose you should change a bit the structure of your essay. May be I am mistaken, because I have not taken a real toefl exam yet, but based on what I was told and what I read, toefl essay should not contain more than one opposite reason. The primary objective of each essay is to choose one side and use reasons, supporting ideas and examples to support your point of view. Readers are not concerned with your viewpoint, but they are interested in how you support it. You ought to persuade them, but sometimes contrary ideas may lessen the strengh of your supporting reasons and confound readers.
what was requested in the essay is to compare the two choices and then give the personnel point of view so my plan is
introduction
- the advantages of dormitories
-the advantages of an partment
-my personal choice
conclusion
i admit that the conclusion is a liittle bit wrong but i think that i followed what it was requested, no?
Sorry, I didn't read carefully directions to your essay. This is probably another type of toefl essays, that I am not familiar yet.
good luck with your studies!
