Living independently - Family I write it for IELTS

Some people encourage young children to leave their parents' house as soon as they become adults while others say children should stay at their parents' house as long as possible.

Discuss both views, and give your opinion.

With the monumental influence of modernization, unprecedented metamorphoses have transpired in the family structure that descendants are exhorted to leave their houses when they reach adulthood. Others argue that children should spend as much time as possible with their parents. I believe that children should stay home to evolve their careers.

To begin with, children are usually prone to saving money for a rainy day, not to ensure their health. Family fosters them physically and mentally. In addition, when they live with seniors, they can internalize various experiences, and with guidance, young people may lead to the right trajectory. A recent survey has shown that 60% of adults, who live on their own, come under the influence of unscrupulous people and drug peddlers.

Nonetheless, youngsters leave their homes in the hope of having their own space. It is not a no-brainer because they do not want to burden the family financially. They will comprehend their responsibility in parallel with getting the practical skills. Life will teach them how to survive and put them in many conditions. It can pave the way for the blossoming of their life. That is why Americans authorize their offspring to live unaided. As a result, every individual here works part-time to cover living expenses, and they can accumulate from $40 to $80 a month.

To sum up, while there are some advantages to living independently, it is evident that the drawbacks outweigh the edges. Therefore, I firmly believe that young people should stay at home under parental supervision.

Do not change the point of view as presented in the original prompt. These reasons are not indicated as a topic basis in the original. Rather, it represents a part of the writer's opinion, which, when presented in the prompt restatement + opinion, changes the original meaning of the presentation. Stick to a restatement of the original prompt, using the same information, but presented using synonyms instead. This reference will pull down the TA score of the first paragraph.


Good job on the personal statement + thesis presentation. Excellent reflection of your soon to be expanded upon opinion.

The problem arises when the topic is finally discussed. There is no evidence of the public opinion basis of the discussion due to the general nature of the presentation, represening only a personal point of view of the writer. The appropriate format is to use the third person pronouns when discussing the first 2 public opinions, to show that you are "discussing both views" only. This seperation is clear when you notice that the original prompt refers to "Some people" and "others", indicating the need to discuss the public point of view first, the writer's opinion last.

The personal opinion should be presented within a seperate 3rd paragraph to show a clear comparison analysis using first person pronouns. The differentiation of points of views through pronoun use is necessary for the TA + GRA scoring considerations.

I really like the way you took advantage of showing data that backup your argue, it feels more realistic and it gives you more confident at the moment to express your position.