IELTS WRITING TASK 2- LOSS OF BIO-DIVERSITY- CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS

some species are on the verse of extinction

Topic: Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity.
What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity?
What solutions can you suggest?

Humankind has made many impacts on the natural system that cause the disappearance of a huge number of breeds and the damage on biological diversity. This essay will discuss the reasons why biodiversity is destructed and the alternatives can be addressed to overcome these problems.

Two of the biggest reasons of the threatened ecosystem are habitat destruction and global warming. Firstly, numbers of different species of plants and animals are losing their habitation due to the deforestation and polluting oceans. Species which are physically large and those living in forests or oceans are more affected by habitat reduction. Secondly, the increase of the global climate is one of the major causes of unbalance biodiversity. For example, the emissions are produced by factories and vehicles has caused the greenhouse effect. As the result, extreme weather conditions including massive flooding and polar ice melting are mainly attributed to the extinction of species.

Governments could certainly make more effort to protect the environment to reduce the raising temperatures. They could introduce laws to limits fumes from manufacturers or force companies to use renewable energy from wind, solar or water power. Another method is to impose "green taxes" on drivers and airline companies. In this way, people would be encouraged to use public transports and to take fewer flights abroad, therefore reducing the emissions.

In conclusion, several actions can be taken to tackle the main reasons why the species are on the verse of extinction.

Hello. I think this essay is less than 250 word so you should write more to meet the requirements. There are also some errors related to your use of grammar and vocabulary here. For example:

Firstly, numbers a great number of ... losing their habitation due to the deforestation and polluting oceans sea pollution

the increase rise of the global climate warming is one of the major causes of unbalance biodiversity loss of biodiversity

I also think that your presentation is not clear in this essay. With the resoning that plants and animals are losing their living spaces due to "deforestation" and pollution at sea, then you should be more specific in the next sentence, such as how deforestation is destroying the habitat of living creatures in the forests or how the pollution in the oceans is killing animals worldwide. Here is my suggestion:

Many species of plants and animals are losing their habitat due to deforestation and sea pollition. Tree destruction can lead to many animals being deprived of the place where they build nests or climb onto. In the underwater world, the disposal of contaminants from industrial activities is likely to release dangerous chemicals into the ocean, making the surrounding water inhabitatable for sea creatures.

[Now, species are losing their home because trees are cut down (deforestation) and people are releasing toxic chemicals from industrial acitivites into the ocean (sea pollution)]

I think that for other parts, you have presented a clearer explanation of the causes and sollutions but there can be some modifications too such as inserting linking words to make the connection between ideas more present for the viewers.

Your conclusion, however, should be added more because it appears that this is a single sentence and it cannot actually make up a full paragraph. I think that 2-3 more sentences would suffice.

You may write up to 3 reasoning paragraphs for any Task 2 essay. The reason this maximum paragraph number was given is because the test taker is being given enough room to thoroughly explain yourself in English. Additionally, every paragraph should have only one topic sentence and up to 5 justification sentences. In your essay, you tried to discuss 2 topics in one paragraph, which led to lack of clarity in your discussion and an error in your paragraph formatting. Please utilize the 3 paragraph format when you feel that you have more than 1 justification discussion to present. Otherwise, your essay becomes weak in terms of discussion presentation and ability to clearly explain your position to the reader.

Please avoid run-on sentences in your paraphrasing both in the introduction and conclusion of your essay. This is the reason why you came in under the word count. The lacking words will be deducted from your TA score. Your conclusion is not a proper concluding summary. It will add to your points deductions because you did not properly summarize the body of your discussion. Had you done a proper summary, you would not have been short on the minimum word count. You would have been either at the word count requirement or, over just enough over the word count to gain better scoring considerations overall.

Dear Potatowee and Holt ,

Thank you very much for your response. Base on your feedbacks, I tried to correct my essay already.