hello everyone, i m a newcomer here and also have just started prepareing TOEFL, here is my first TOEFL writing essay, casue i m not from english-mother tongue country, there may be lots of mistakes in the grammar and article topic, and logic, please help me evaluate the essasy and point them out.
If total score is 5, what would you give to the essay,please write down reasons if you can. THX.
Hope my tread form is correct.
In the integrated university education ecosystem, classes and libraries offer basic and core specialized knowledge, and sports and social activities function as laying a solid foundation on your health condition, boosting your overall capacity, and even creating memory that never die.
Sports result in excellent physical fitness. The more practice students take, the healthier they would be, same with the productivity of their campus life, including studying. One research published by UCLA has combined 749 students' physical fitness and weight data their academic performance. 65% of those investigated turned out to be overweight by California body mass index chart, and they got visible lower average scores at College than those physique fit students did. So there is no doubt that equal attention should be focused on sports infrastructure building as well as that of classes and libraries.
College social activities, such as extracurricular interests group, social communication activities, can broaden your horizon, teach you how to think critically, and even instruct skills that may benefit you lifelong. Such views can be perfect proved by an example of Steve Jobs, Apple present CEO. After dropping-out from the Reed College in his freshmen year, Steve decided to take a calligraphy interest course which he found so fascinating. Many years passed, when he and his colleagues were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to him, and he designed it all into the Mac, which is the first computer with beautiful typography. In 2005 he gave a speech to introduce his "lucky social experience" in Stanford University graduation Ceremony, the behavior itself became another meaningful extracurricular course.
Not only being an irreplaceable part of entire education ecosystem, sports and social activities makes students take rides of spiritual journey. Fighting together with your basketball teammates, first meeting your lifetime company, such experience just makes your life rich and unique. As times goes on, these memories will forever be engraved on the heart.
So we can draw the conclusion that at universities and colleges, sport and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
If total score is 5, what would you give to the essay,please write down reasons if you can. THX.
Hope my tread form is correct.
In the integrated university education ecosystem, classes and libraries offer basic and core specialized knowledge, and sports and social activities function as laying a solid foundation on your health condition, boosting your overall capacity, and even creating memory that never die.
Sports result in excellent physical fitness. The more practice students take, the healthier they would be, same with the productivity of their campus life, including studying. One research published by UCLA has combined 749 students' physical fitness and weight data their academic performance. 65% of those investigated turned out to be overweight by California body mass index chart, and they got visible lower average scores at College than those physique fit students did. So there is no doubt that equal attention should be focused on sports infrastructure building as well as that of classes and libraries.
College social activities, such as extracurricular interests group, social communication activities, can broaden your horizon, teach you how to think critically, and even instruct skills that may benefit you lifelong. Such views can be perfect proved by an example of Steve Jobs, Apple present CEO. After dropping-out from the Reed College in his freshmen year, Steve decided to take a calligraphy interest course which he found so fascinating. Many years passed, when he and his colleagues were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to him, and he designed it all into the Mac, which is the first computer with beautiful typography. In 2005 he gave a speech to introduce his "lucky social experience" in Stanford University graduation Ceremony, the behavior itself became another meaningful extracurricular course.
Not only being an irreplaceable part of entire education ecosystem, sports and social activities makes students take rides of spiritual journey. Fighting together with your basketball teammates, first meeting your lifetime company, such experience just makes your life rich and unique. As times goes on, these memories will forever be engraved on the heart.
So we can draw the conclusion that at universities and colleges, sport and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
