Nowadays technology in increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Majority of people are unaware that they are monitored by advancement of technology such as cell phone tracking and security camera in their daily activities. In my personal point of view these tools lead to more benefits as opposed to drawbacks.
The most advantage of the cutting-edge technology which has to be considered is it leads the safety to the public area where people much spend their time at. Many people want to do their activity safely. Due to security cameras, everywhere like in the school, the parlor and any other public spaces, all of the human activities are monitored where this is extremely beneficial for the police to track record the criminality. In addition, this device helps the police as well to monitor the traffics particularly in big cities. Moreover, the society could hinder the bottleneck by looking for the information of traffic situation via their cell phone.
The other advantage of these sophisticated tools are they could track lose people. Take for instance the convict who escapes of the prison, a mental illness person who flees of the mental hospital, a mother who looks for their child in the mall out of crowded. These cases could occur in the society life. Those, owing to these devices the police could search them easier by looking at the security cameras setting in each building and street area.
To sum up, people feel safer and the police get more help due to the advancement of technology such as cell phone tracking and security cameras. Hence, it is clear that these devices have more the advantages outweigh to the disadvantages.
Hi Rere,
You write incredibly well. However, please allow me to give you some suggestions to your writing.
The mostmain advantage of the cutting-edge technology which has to be considered is it leadsincreases the safety to the public area ...
Due to security cameras, everywhere like in the school, the parlor and any other ... (I think this sentence is confusing. I will give you another option:
Moreover, due to the security camera usage, all activities in public places such as the school, parlor and others are monitored by this device. This can bring a great benefit for the police to track record the criminality . It will be better if you add the conjunction to emphasize the coherence of your essay.)
In my opinion, it will be better if you also explained about the drawback, so the examiner will notice that you have accomplished the task well. The task said that you need to give your opinion whether the advantages of that issue will be more than drawbacks.
Here are my suggestions, I hope it will be useful for you.
Hi Rere, I would like to share additional insight to your essay and I will leave a few paragraphs for you to be able to follow through and practice editing the essay with the same pattern suggested.
- Majority of the people are
- are being monitored
- byusing advancement of
- camerasin their daily activities( this is not necessary ) .
- The most advantage of the
- which has tothat can be considered
- is itthat it leads
- the safety to the public safety
- area where people much spend their time at.
- Due toWith security cameras, everywhere, like in the school,
- all of theourhuman activities are
- track the records of the criminality.
- monitor the traffics particularly in big cities.
There you have it Rere, I hope the remarks for the first 2 paragraphs are useful for your revision and as mentioned, practice editing or proof reading your essay, what I practice as well is that, I read the sentences aloud and when they sound off, then something has to be fixed.
Hi maya and justify thanks for your corrections, it really helps :)
Hi Rere, as we log in to EF, we always look forward to your feedback, it is one of the reasons that really keeps us going. Knowing that there are people, students and writers alike who patronize our work, this gives us the strength to continue what we do best and aspire for greater heights.
Furthermore, I woukd like to provide you with with some reminders for your future writing:
- mind the words that you choose to input in your essay as this will affect the sentences and eventually the entire essay
- the presentation of the essay also matters, this will help in presenting the essay in a more formal and professional way
Lastly, always put your heart into your writing, this will set your essay apart from other essays. I wish to review more of your essays and keep writing.
