Ielts Writing task 2 - mandatory contribution to the society?

Please give me score if you can
The prompt says: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children).

incentives methods to community contribution

Nowadays, contribution to society plays an essential role in our life. It is suggested that a diversity people hold the view that unpaid community works ought to be an integral part of high school curriculum. From my point of view, I completely agree with invigorating charitable services

By engaging in these social activities, life skills will be built up from such a young age, students will have more opportunities to improve their communication skills by contacting with others from distinguishing culture, distinct locations, also teamwork skills. Rather than allocating time to digital equipment such as smart phones, television, gaming consoles, ... adolescent obtain how to manage their schedule, gain their organizational expertise. These skills learned by doing non-profits services are more likely valuable experiences either their career path or tertiary education.

This is widely accepted notion that if people participate in the philanthropic organization, they will appreciate their own life. It is endorsed that helping the poor or disabled people, not only they will know how to be empathetic, and possess compassion, but also they gain their respect towards works and money as it is not easy to earn and are more likely to spend it more practically

In my opinion, it is plausible that unpaid community activities provide numerous benefits, by being an asset in CV or enhancing employability and training sympathy. Nevertheless, we should balance reasonably between time do those works and school lessons, avoiding messing up.

In conclusion, I think It is a good idea. I hope this program will be put into action for high schools/ colleges shortly

Uyen, due to the fact that you did not provide the complete prompt instructions for this essay, I will be unable to give you an accurate total score for your writing. I need the full prompt instructions in order to decide upon the task accuracy portion of the essay. What I can do, is offer you a partial scoring based on the remaining 3 criteria. While it will not represent your overall score, you will know which problem areas you have in your essay.

Cohesiveness and Cohesion - 4
Lexical Resource - 3
Grammar Range - 3

While you did show that you understood the parts of the prompt that you posted here, you strongly showed a lack of control and understanding of how to use the English language to develop your response to the prompt. The overall essay was confusing, had punctuation errors such as commas followed by ellipses, and your flow of thought seemed to get derailed at times, making it confusing for the reader and difficult to determine what you are trying to say through your essay. Hopefully you will get better over your succeeding essays. I look forward to your practice tests. Note the problem points for now and try to improve upon them in the next essay.