Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


IELTS Writing Task 2 - life expectancy and a balanced society


seannolan 1 / 1  
Oct 24, 2021   #1

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing.



Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.


Nowadays, it is increasingly common for people to reach over the age of 70, which was once rare hundreds of years ago. With longer life expectancy, the old are able to live their lives to the fullest. However, many problems have been introduced with this trend, and it is necessary to address them with great care for the sake of a balanced society.

On the bright sight, greater longevity helps everyone enjoy all the economic and technological development without the fear of passing away soon. Knowing that he/she would be able to reach pass the age of 70 or even 80 and have time for him/herself, a person could feel less stressful about the busy life that he/she is currently experiencing. This may ultimately lead to a happier society. Moreover, the aged population may become a valuable asset to the community as a whole. They could pass on all their treasured experience to the young, or they could even become a special workforce that helps in everyday life. For example, essential jobs such as taxi drivers and cleaners can be easily taken over by the older generation.

Having said that, it is extremely important to look at the downsides of having a growing aged population. First, since old people are more prone to serious illnesses, they would put a great strain on the health care system. That means more funding needs to be raised just for them, and possibly leading to a lack of necessary investment in other key sectors like education and national defense. Besides, younger people also have to put a lot of time into taking care of their parents and grandparents, which would probably make them feel more stressful, as they have to devote all their time to work and family, while having none for themselves. This is probably one of the main causes of suicide that has been on the up in recent years.

All in all, an improved life expectancy has both its benefits and downsides that every society has to pay serious attention to. While greater longevity may make people feel happier in their late adulthood, it may also put a great strain on the younger generation and also on the health care system and the economy as a whole. In the near future, it is essential for every government to have appropriate programs and regulations to tackle the problems, while also making good use of any benefits that come with an aged population.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,835 4783  
Oct 25, 2021   #2
which was once rare hundreds of years ago

Avoid over-exaggerations that show a lack of historical knowledge. People have managed to live over a century in the past, though it was not as common as it is these days.To avoid such errors, never use a time frame reference for this and other similar discussion themes.

he/she

Try to use genderless third person pronouns instead. They, them are quite acceptabh in these essays and are part and parcel of the GRA scoring considerations. By default though , the unknown gender is always a male so "he" would have been the more solid and less confusing gender reference.

They could pass on

A much better and clearer discussion reference point. keep the neutral gender tone in your future essays.

This is probably one of the main causes of suicide that has been on the up in recent years.

Do not deviate from the topic focus.This is an unrelated topic and needs further discussion, seperately. It will not be scored.
OP seannolan 1 / 1  
Oct 27, 2021   #3
@Holt
Thanks so much!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - life expectancy and a balanced society
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳