Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Maps below show the centre of small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development


just_writer 24 / 42 5  
Oct 19, 2017   #1
The maps below show the centre of small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


plethora of changes in the future



The maps present information about Islip city present and future. It seems that the small city is going to evolve after the finish of development plan. The changes in the city will be discussed.

Islip town has a main road right now, which carries the whole city traffic. There is a big park in the east and the countryside in the north that can be used for entertainment. The school is near to houses in the south of the city.

In the future, the main difference would be in the size of the park, which is going to be smaller, therefore new houses will take most of the space. All the shops in the north are changed to bus station, shopping center, car park and of course new houses again. The main road usability has changed, so only pedestrians could use it.

In conclusion, seems like the city is going through a lot of changes in the future. Nevertheless, the shops in the center of the city will stay exactly the same. Besides, the population of the city is going to increase due to the new houses that are going to be available.

(193 Words)




Holt - / 7,530 2001  
Oct 19, 2017   #2
Always reference both discussion instructions in your paraphrase. You neglected to mention that comparisons will also be discussed as a manner of differentiating between the old and new town center in the essay. That additional information would have added to your TA score had you completely referenced the instructions provided.

Your information regarding the current set up of the town is incomplete. You should have included at least a sentence for each location within the map. That would show accuracy in your reporting and truly informed the reader of the current status of the town and give them an idea as to why certain changes need to be made, without directly saying it.

As for the future of the town, you neglected to mention the dual carriage way, school, and park. Again, incomplete information is provided. This will really affect your TA score as well as the C&C section of the essay. Remember, you will be scored on the accuracy of your presentation. Not just your ability to meet the word count.

A concluding statement is not necessary in a Task 1 essay. So this presentation was not necessary as it adds to the erroneous reporting you have been making throughout the essay. There is nothing in either maps to indicate that the population of the town will be affected as to be increased. So there is no sense in referencing information that cannot be confirmed by the image provided. You will lose points for making up information because the analysis essay becomes faulty and unreliable.
OP just_writer 24 / 42 5  
Oct 19, 2017   #3
Hi @Holt,
How it affects my score if I write 300 words in task 1?
Because I think it is impossible to summarise all the information in 2 maps, in 150 words.

PS: I didn't know that conclusion is not mandatory in task 1. Thanks.
Chi Han 3 / 4 2  
Oct 19, 2017   #4
Hi just_writer,

One mistake in paragraph 3: "The main road usability...."
The meaning of "usability" means the ease of use of a tool of a device, so it sounds strange to use it under this circumstance.

"The use of the main road..." would be just fine.


Home / Writing Feedback / Maps below show the centre of small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development