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IELTS 2. Marriage is serious problem for massive inhabitant especially at elderly age


wahyu 16 / 28 1  
Apr 7, 2016   #1

Living Alone in Society



In this globalization era, marriage is serious problem for massive inhabitant especially elderly age. Majority of people are choosing choice to live without making commitment. I argue that several reasons influence it such us financial, self-confident and circumstance and it give not only positive but also negative impacts to the community.

Recently, a largely number of citizens have tendency to live without couple doe to some statements. Firstly, financial is the common reason why they do not want to married, according to the research which are conducted in Stanford University in 2015 released that in the married life, people need twice as much as their income in the alone situation. Secondly, some of them are not confident to share their real behavior to their couple. Finally, they live in the circumstances which do not care about each other, while in part of this word, that is more common than others. In short, those are several reasons why in this era elderly people in the single status.

On the other hand, this phenomenon can give good and bad implications to the society. It is going to the right side when they have much time to join in charity event for helping each other and they also can maximize their focus on their job for improving the economy of the society members. In contrast, this kind of status becomes bad impulse to their circumstances because the population of humans decreased gradually and it is like the illness which can very easy to persuade another person to follow this status.

To sum up, it is evident that some cases influence the person to choose his status. Although some advantages gain from this, it also leads to the drawbacks in the society. I hope that in the future, humans and official pay more attention on this situation to keep population of humans in the world.

adrian21 15 / 17 3  
Apr 7, 2016   #2
Hello Wahyu
Let me give comment about your essay
Consider this

In this globalization era, marriage is a serious problem for massive inhabitants especially in elderly age. Majority of people are choosing choicechoose to live without making any commitment. I argue that several reasons influence it such usas financial,and self-confidenceconfidentand circumstance and it gives not only positive effects but also negative impacts to the community.

To be honest, your introduction does not mention clearly about living alone. Though you should try to rephrase the question, make sure you are not out of topic

Thanks
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 8, 2016   #3
Wahyu, I made some corrections towards your grammatical accuracy in the first and second paragraph. What I am going to say is that, you need more efforts to develop your writing, especially when it comes to choose a proper word formation and class of words. Sometimes, I notice that you still experience some difficulties in deciding that a particular word is adjective or adverb. You are more likely to mix all of them in a scrambled order. My suggestion is that, you need to develop the basic usage of some particular words, particularly in subject and verb identification. Make sure that your sentence have those words. You need to think how to make a simple sentence accurately rather than compose an inaccurate complex sentence. I also have read in some IELTS blogs which mentioned that 'perfect' or 'accurate' usage of simple sentence is still better than 'inaccurate', 'inappropriate', or 'confusing' complex sentence. So, this following corrections still needs some works:

- especially at olderelderly age.
- ...people are choosing choicechoose ...
- ..several reasons influence it such us financial, self-confident and circumstance(mention this one in the body paragraph)
- it gives not only
- a largely number of
- couple doedue to some statementsreasons.
- want to get married (this is to+infinitive)
- which are conducted in Stanford University in 2015 revealedreleased that
- the married lifemarriage
- married manpeople needstwice as much as their income in the alone situation more money rather than unmarried man.
- Finally, they live by ignoring others in the circumstances which do not care about each other(sometimes simple sentence is better)
- while in particular part of this wordworld
- in this era, elderlymany older people in the single statusprefer to be single in his or her entire life.

Good luck for the next one! :)


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