Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

[WRITING IELTS TASK 2] - Mass Media controls people's mind. What can be done?

chantieh 3 / 8 1  
Oct 25, 2017   #1
Whoever controls the media also controls opinions and attitudes of the people and there is little can be done to rectify this.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?



It is a common belief that anyone who controls mass media has the power to influence the belief and attitude of the mass and this fact can hardly be altered. I am entirely in agreement with the statement that people's mind and lifestyles can be influenced by the media; however, I am convinced that there are solutions to this matter.

On the one hand, mass media, which is controlled by a group of people and the government, is an ultimately effective tool to spread news, information and cultivate targeted beliefs, etc. in the mass. It is evident that the more exposure an individual has to something; the more likely they will unconsciously believe it. Mass media has made its appearance in every corner of today's life, such as on social network, television, newspapers, and so on, therefore it is unavoidable that people's belief and attitude is navigated and oriented in accordance with the will of those who control the media.

It is hard to be unaffected by the propaganda of the media; however, the situation can be rectified by means of carefully selecting and researching the information source. As the opinion and belief of an individual is determined by themselves, they can decide to believe in pieces of information broadcasted or published on the media after doing research about them. For instance, a constant advertisement that fast-food is good for health cannot defy the scientific evidence proving otherwise.

In conclusion, I am convinced that the media has tight grip and great influences on people's belief and behaviors as they gradually ingrain an intentioned message in their minds. However, it is the individual that decides whether his mind to be led by the media or not.

Word count - 286
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,918 4798  
Oct 25, 2017   #2
Chantel, you were going great in the development of the essay discussion until you made one small error. You decided to say the following: however, I am convinced that there are solutions to this matter.

Where did that reference come from? As I reviewed the original prompt, this opinion was not being asked for. So why did you include it? This is a prompt deviation that has forced a failure of your TA representation. You will definitely lose major points for including a discussion of a topic that is not required by the original presentation.

This is a single opinion essay, not a double opinion presentation. Therefore, when you did a compare and contrast of the topic, instead of just discussing the supporting facts of your opinion throughout the essay, you once again, failed to accurately represent the task you were assigned to do. More points deducted.

Your conclusion does not accurately represent the summary of the given topic. More points deducted from the overall score. It is difficult to say that you will pass the test with this sort of presentation because of the prompt deviations that exist within it. It might get a passing score but I can't be sure about it.
hiimsandra 5 / 7 3  
Oct 25, 2017   #3

Your essay is smooth and coherence, I think this essay can up to 7.
The only one error at the end of the paragraph one. Your words are better for another writing type (discuss both and share your opinions).

Maybe you can try to express simply your option "agree or disagree" at first paragraph, and reaffirm it at last paragraph. This can help reader to know your choice at the beginning, it also can avoid that you can't finish essay with complete ending in time.
bellachyntia 3 / 15  
Oct 25, 2017   #4
Dear Chantel, your essay is great but I think you need to rewrite your last paragraph. You can sum up and reaffirm the sentence whether you are agree or not
Yunqian Gan 1 / 3  
Oct 25, 2017   #5
Dear chentel, I think your essay is quite excellent,but ILETS essay love seeing candidate use some good word group like "solid professional working experience",but I think you are doing alright

ALso,your example might be too short.
OP chantieh 3 / 8 1  
Oct 25, 2017   #6
Thanks for everyone's feedbacks ^^

@Holt - I didn't know how to express my idea - I agree with the first half but disagree with the other half. Can you give me some suggestions? I'm really confused ~

Thanks in advance
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,918 4798  
Oct 26, 2017   #7
I can understand your confusion. While this type of essay is normally written as a singular opinion essay, there are instances when you can write about the extent of your agreement and disagreement with the statement. The presentation of the prompt, based on your confusion should have been something like this:

There is an opinion that because media can be controlled, it has the power to control the point of view and reactions of people. Since media has the power to do this, the public believes that nothing can be done to correct the situation. I only partly agree with this statement for a number of reasons that I will be discussing in this essay.

By using the term "partly agree" in the opening paraphrase, you allow yourself to discuss both points of view to a certain extent within your body of paragraphs. The body will then consist of:

Par. 2 - agreement discussion with evidence
Par. 3 - disagreement presentation with supporting facts

Using the above presentation you would have been able to get a decent score since you provided a discussion of both points of view in the essay. You could have clearly expressed the opinions you wanted to in a formal and acceptable manner that would not have caused a prompt deviation on your part.

Home / Writing Feedback / [WRITING IELTS TASK 2] - Mass Media controls people's mind. What can be done?
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳