IELTS Writing Task 2 : Material Possessions or Kindness/Trust?

Hai guys, i really need your help to assess my writing task 2 in ielts. I have test next month. Big thanks!

1. A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

today's people values

It can not be denied that the value of people will be seen according to the wealth and social status. This is because, somehow, rich person can do what so ever they want, including build their honour. I agree with this statement with some reasons that i will mention below.

In my view, if a person is richer, there will be more people venerate him. People will only respect on what they directly witness, wealth for instance. Furthermore, in metropolis, people consider a whole thing by what they have. For example, businessman is respected by his clients or his employees because he is rich, no matter he is gossiped behind. Another example is a placeman in an public institution. He surely is rich, so every people mostly is valuing him as an honour.

I believe that a strategic position in an institution will create honour, trust, and kindness. This can be occured through the efforts of stakeholders inside. For instance, a presidents as representative of inhabitants is believed because he was choosen by election. If he is elected, people will respect on him, hence trust and honour are automatically existed.

In conclusion, old-fashioned does not become main attention. Because it can be reached after we have higher social status. On the other statement, we ought to find more material possession firstly, thus, other goals, such as honour, kindness, and trust, are adhering us no matter what actually people feel about us.

Zeqi , your essay has a number of problems with it which you need to address. Aside from being below the required word count of 250, which will result in the automatic failure of this test in an actual setting, the problems have less to do with the intent of your body of paragraphs and more to do with the way that you present the information within the overall essay. Let's address this problem one by one so that you can keep track of what changes need to be made.

Your opening paraphrase is not in accordance with the requirements of the opening paragraph. As proof that you understood the discussion topic provided and that you will be able to discuss it in the manner required, you need to deliver an appropriate restatement of the discussion prompt. Additionally, you need to make sure that you respond to the question or instruction line in an appropriate manner. In this case, the "extent" question should be responded to as "partially, fully, or strongly" to name but a few variations of the extent discussion response. So, a better example for this paraphrase is:

These days, more value is placed on the finances, popularity, and influence of a person. It appears that traditional considerations such as reputation, courtesy, and reliance are no longer appreciated as these once were. I fully agree with this opinion and will explain why within this essay.

You can either use the same keywords from the original in the prompt restatement, or use the equivalent terms, as I did, in order to increase your TA and LR scores in one attempt. What is important is that you restate the prompt in an original manner, based upon your English writing abilities.

The presentation of supporting evidence in your essay is strong and shows a coherent and cohesive discussion within the paragraphs. However, the transition sentences that are required to prepare the reader for the upcoming paragraph is not represented in the last sentences. These transition paragraphs will help to keep the presentation connected to one another and also helps the reader to better keep track of the discussion.

Your conclusion is also inaccurate. It should only reflect a similar presentation as the opening paraphrase. That means, you now have to present the basis of your discussion and the supporting statements presented with the conclusion signified by a restatement of your opinion.

The overall essay is a good attempt but has a number of problem points as I pointed out. Improve on the formatting part because the presentation is pretty much acceptable at this point. So you need to develop the weak points that I pointed out instead.

Hi zeqy, I have read your essay very deep. but there are some errors of which you are to correct it. like, grammar and spelling mistakes.

also I would like to tell you to correct your conculusion. otherwise good trial.

Hello zeqy,

I have read your essay and I figure some mistakes:

1. rich person can ... =>Rich people
2. that i will ... => I
3. People will only respect on=> respect for
4. .., so every people mostly is are
5. a president

Your friend.

HappyFunny