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The media should limit the number of terrible news since it have a large effect on human's lives

tranlamthanh 1 / -  
Jul 20, 2018   #1
Ielts writing task 2.
The media should limit how much bad news they report because it discourages people from doing activities which usually involve very little risk.

TV content and people's risky activities

In a technological breakthrough, with the aim of fulfilling the demands of entertainment and accessing the information, the media has been established for a long time, which is taken for granted. Some people conjecture whether the media should constain the number of terrible news since people would avoid doing risky activities or not. I am in broaf agreement with this opinion and in this essay, there are some reasons to illustrate.

Firstly, bad news which are published on any sorts of media are eligible to create unnecessary worry on human's minds. For example, in a run-down neighborhood, a reporter who writes about crimes affirmed that there had been a spate of attacks or thefts in their area recently and the thefts were arrested. People who access this information might be pessimistic and afraid of visiting this town. Hence, a tons of bad news on the media overwhelm people's thoughts and it is difficult to control the news they approach. Limiting how much bad news is the weapon against unnecessary worry happening.

Moreover, bad news also have big impact on young people, especially children who easily vulnerable and do not have enough patience to tolerate. Take social networking websites as an example, teenagers tend to use mobile phones to gain information and they definitely read or watch bad news from that and share it to other people. Some bad things such as violence, attacks and crimes are taken priority to approach, which are innocuous and have bad influence on people's thoughts. In some cases, they enable children emerge negative awareness about this beautiful life and assure that surviving in this world is as uncomplicated as they used to imagine. Therefore, the best way to improve their positive thoughts about life is to restrict bad news on the media.

In conclusion, bad news have a large effect on human's lives even though they are not totally bad, reporters, journalists as well as bloggers should limit moderately to make sure people have more positive look about lives.
ama12321 2 / 4  
Jul 20, 2018   #2
Hi there!

The essay you've written is generally a well-written informative essay!

However, there are certain things that you might want to improve upon. Tenses is a very important part of an essay. Not everyone is good at choosing at tenses(me too). Thus, one thing that you can really improve on is your tenses.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4811  
Jul 21, 2018   #3
Phhuong, you are too focused on showing off your English vocabulary, without considering whether or not it makes sense to use it in sentences. Your second paragraph in particular makes no sense at all. All I could read were a series of non connected English words which, individually, make sense, but altogether just create confusion and stress for the reader. This is definitely not a good observation because this will result in a failing LR and GRA score for you. Added to the rest of the grammar problems of the essay and you will not get a passing score using this essay presentation.

You are also either not familiar with some English words or you were careless and did not bother to edit the paper prior to submitting. There is no such word in the English language as "broaf". Considering the improper paraphrase and the mistake in your question response and you can understand why the essay does not stand a chance at this point.

Since this is your first post at this forum, I will not score this essay. I want you to write another essay. This time be more focused, don't try to show off your non-existent English vocabulary of advanced words. Keep your sentences simple. Be clear with what you want to say. I will review that essay and hopefully, we will be able to find a writing improvement starting point with that. As of now, this is a very bad essay that will not pass in an actual test setting.

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