IELTS; The media should reduce bad news that they write or say

I now its really bad bot I'm trying to improve.

bad news effect

The media should reduce bad news that they write or say because it will make people cautious in talking risk .
In my opinion, if they censor bad news it won't help, however, it makes people unaware of everything to some extent it's good but media don't have to make human way of life I live in Iran where the news is different from other countries when I started to travel I understood that how bad is it furthermore its make you feel you live at nowhere I mean when people start to talk about a bad news you just should listen and it could be bad .

People risk does not depend on news, the who want to take a risk will take. it will make them a little bit worried but it not change the way of thinking.

In addition, if they don't know any bad things about the world it could be dangerous for people who follow media they trust in news and make their decision.

In conclusion, if media deny bad news it could be hazardous for people and it would be useful for us if we make our choice more carefully.

... it won't help. Censoring bad news makes people unaware of everything around them. To an extent, censoring could be good but the media should not define the human way of life. In Iran, where I live, the news is different from other countries. When I began to travel to other countries, I understood how bad censorship is. It makes you feel that the area you live in is nowhere and does not matter. I mean when people start to talk about a bad news, no matter how bad, you should listen.

The risks that some people take does not depend on the news; whoever wants to take a risk will do so. It could have the effect of making them a little bit worried or cautious, but it not change their way of thinking.

... dangerous for people who make some decisions based upon the news.

..., if the media denies bad news ... for people because it would is useful for us to make our ...

I HOPE THIS HELPS

Artin, it is difficult to help you. I am unsure about how to advise you regarding possible improvements to your work because you did not present the original thesis statement / instructions you are responding to. Without that, I cannot really help you improve your work beyond correcting your format / presentation. Which won't help you much in terms of properly discussing the given prompt.

Your presentation doesn't really follow the required format in the sense that the information the reader needs to understand what you wrote is missing. I guess you are not familiar with the discussion format for the Task 2 essay. The format works this way:

1. All paragraphs need to be 3-5 sentences in presentation.
2. The opening paragraph needs to clearly restate the discussion topic and your thesis statement. Use your own words to explain what the original prompt is all about.

3. The next 3 paragraphs explain the reasons that you have for the discussion. This is written in support of your thesis statement and is based upon the original prompt response instructions. So this could be a comparison point of view or a personal opinion discussion. It all depends upon the instructions you were provided.

4. The paragraphs should be no less than 4 but no more than 5 paragraphs, similar to the sentence instructions.
5. The concluding statement should be a thorough summary presentation of the previous discussions.

All of the information you presented does not follow the qualifiers for an appropriate passing score in the Task 2 essay. I strongly urge you to review the sample essays that you can find at this forum so that you can become more familiar with how the writing is properly done. You may also learn from the advice given to the previous writers that you can apply to your own practice writing tests.