Why have men's sports been give far more attention by society than women's s? IELTS Writting Task 2

Question:

Historically, men's sports have been given far more attention by society compared to women's sports.

Throughout history, male sporting endeavors have drawn more attention compared to their female counterparts. Why this is, will be unpacked and my underpinning stated.
There are diverse causes of this phenomenon. The most critical aspect is the male fascination with physical activities. Men show great strength and stamina to play sports, which makes them perform more energetically. Most women, however, do not frequently give enough enthusiasm when participating in a match. They regularly go shopping and have several private pastimes instead. Another supporting factor is the long-standing establishment of male sports. Numerous sports associations were founded by males. The person inventing Football Associations, for instance, is a man called Ebenezer Morley. Furthermore, the popularity of men's sports leads to an increase in profits for organizers. The majority of viewers of sportscasts are men, and they predominantly focus on men's sports tournaments. Football, for example, which is the most popular sport, is famous for men's competitions.

From my perspective, it is an adverse development that the effect of men's sport on the public outweighs the influence of women's on society. Gender inequality in sports causes females not to receive worthy advantages, though hard they try. The chart of annual salaries of U.S. male and female national soccer teams is a specific case: men's soccer teams, whether they are defeated or win, can get bonuses that are higher than the remuneration of female teams. Moreover, sports programs about them are mostly posted after male ones.

In conclusion, there are three main reasons that the public has paid more attention to men's sports, namely: historical male sporting formation, biological health and interests of men in sports, and last but not least, potential profits from male sporting endeavors. In my opinion, it is a negative issue that should be considered.

I have no idea what you are trying to say in this sentence. You are not making any sense to a native English speaker. There are several things wrong all at once in this section:

1. Incorrect word usage depending upon the context of the sentence;
2. Lack of clarity in the thought presentation;
3. The thesis statement is missing as the basis of the succeeding discussion paragraphs.

Your over discussion of the essay will prove to be a problem during an actual test. You have not really given any thought to the writing time allottment, causing you to overwrite the essay in a manner that created a secondary problem. You deviated from the prompt discussion by presenting unrelated information throughout the essay. These will lead to a definite failing score on your part.

@Cantor Zhukov
In the introduction, you must express your perspective to the examiner, so From my perspective should not be in the third paragraph. Instead of simply answering the question, your overview should provide more details.

I think you should give the essay a proper stance; either be positive about it or be negative about it.
Secondly, you should give proper, well structured examples that resonates with your statement in the paragraph.

Also, just a word of advice, use words and vocabulary that you know perfectly and are confident about using them. For example, this sentence 'Why this is, will be unpacked and my underpinning stated'. I have got no idea what this sentence means because of the last three words at the end of the sentence.

Make sure not to use too many connecting words like 'Moreover', 'From my perspective', etc.