Mental strength for success? - IELTS Writing task 2

Mental or physical strength matters more?

Some people appreciate mental strength as the most important factor contributing to the success in sports, while others believe that strength and fitness plays a more important role in this field. This essay will discuss why strength and fitness is more essential to the success of a sportsman.

Strong and fit people are likely to become successful due to their high physical endurance. Sports competitions or tournaments are harsh, therefore, anyone who is able to survive through extreme practice and maintain his or her endeavor through many rounds of competition will be the winner. Thus, physical endurance is the first element to help sportsmen achieve these things. For example, football players, especially superstars like Ronaldo, always have an appropriate schedule for practice in order to keep fit and increase strength so that they can survive through a 90 minutes long match and have excellent performances.

However, many argue that mental strength is the key role which determines the success in sports. They believe that the ability to overcome stressors or stresses is more fundamental than strength and fitness. Although mental strength, in fact, is also vital to sportsmen's success, I believe that physical endurance, the consequence of great strength and fitness, still plays a more salient role. When a sportsman reaches higher physical endurance, he or she becomes more confident due to the fact that stresses or stressors are no mean when compared with everything he or she has to do to achieve a better physical endurance. Therefore, mental strength is only an extra benefit arising from physical endurance.

All things considered, each person will choose whether becoming strong or having a strong mind as a more pivotal thing to success in sports depends on. From my point of view, strong and fit people always have a high chance to become a successful sportsman.

Firstly: i think you should extend your introduction and conclusion part
The Introduction should be consist of a general opinion-> clue supporting the previous idea->leading to the topic and show them your intention ( describe pro/cons.....)

And your conclusion should have had a general sumary as well
Secondly
I think you should consider again about the usages of mental strenghth, it's not just an extra from physical education,like if you don's have good mental strenghth you should not be constant enough to even start it.

Thirdly
you used a lot of advanced word to me ( endeavor, essential,field,...) and also complex linking word (Thus, All things considered, therefore,...)
Great structure with clear meaning.

Firstly i have to say that your ideas, grammar, vocabularies are very well. However, stressors synonymous with stresses, so you should use only one. the word "reach" you can change into "reach to". Moreover, there are some words synonymous with endurance which you can consult such as: fortitude, resolution, durability