ielts task 2; Millions of people doing unhealthy activities which are harmful

QUESTION1:
Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad.
Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities.

What are the causes and what are the solutions for this?

ANSWER:
Despite the fact that we all realise the lack of physical exercise or having unbalanced diet could lead to lots of chronic illnesses such as hypertension or life threatening diseases like myocardial infarction, many people still are reluctant to remain active and stay healthy. Some causes and solutions will be cited in this essay.

In accordance with a recent survey conducted by a local university, there are some factors contributing to the above problem. To start with, people living in Hong Kong have inadequate time for sport playing due to long working or studying hours. Most of the time, long travelling hours are required to arrive their workplaces or schools, and they also need to do some household chores before bedtime. Therefore, the necessity of doing exercises is usually ignored. The second point is laziness. People may not be determined enough to quit unhealthy habits. For instance, they may not be able to reduce cigarette dependency because of its addictiveness. Another example is people continue to live with insufficient exercises on the simple grounds that they are not comfortable.

In order to encourage people to avoid bad habits and increase physical exercise, some solutions are suggested. To being with, the government should impose heavy taxes on unhealthy products such as tobaccos, alcohols or fast food. Also, employers may consider offering incentives such as cash or coupons if their employees could reduce excessive weight or remain a normal body mass index. It is believed these methods may remind people to maintain a healthy lifestyle in order to get rid of medical problems.

To conclude, people should aware of their health and break the destructive lifestyle in order to live longer and happier.

One essay at once

In the first paragraph, you seem to focus more on the lack of exercise, but in the body paragraphs you mention other bad habits. It would be better if you either write about one certain unhealthy activity or write about the general phenomena and take some examples.

Also, in the second paragraph, "people living in Hong Kong" should also be one example otherwise you will seem not consider broadly enough. Some strong words can be avoided such as "destructive lifestyle".

The introduction must accurately summarize the content of the prompt in order for it to gain a proper TA score. In this instance, you did not properly paraphrase the said prompt. Rather, you paraphrased without providing the original information. That will definitely have an effect on your TA score as your paraphrase will only be partially correct. For this type of essay, you must focus on properly explaining only 2 problems, results, and solutions to the problem. One in every paragraph. That is because the essay suffers from little developed discussions, which means that you were not fully able to support your discussion with valid reasons. The paragraphs are simply a mix-match of ideas that could be clarified further. Using the one cause and solution paragraph discussion helps you to clarify your meaning. Your vocabulary has problems and will prove to lower both your LR and GRA scores because you are using words out of context. For example, you said being when you meant to say begin. Lack of proof reading will often result in disastrous scores for most test takers.