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Unhealthy activities that most people do and how to change them.


jalp 13 / 34 7  
Jun 3, 2018   #1
Science tells us about the activities which are good for our health and others which are bad. Millions of people all over the world knows this and still do unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is and what can be done to change it?

BAD OR UNHEALTHY ACTIVITIES THAT PEOPLE NEED TO CHANGE.



With this modern day and age, most people still practice activities that are unhealthy despite the knowledge that these are bad for them, such as smoking and alcohol drinking. I believe that one of the reasons is because some bad things feel good that people cannot fight the temptation it brings.

The most commong thing that people do even though it bad for their health and yet they keep doing is smoking. As a health care professional, I know that nicotine that comes with smoking can cause cancer, and yet most of my friends, who are also in medical field, are smokers. It is ironic that health advocates who advice that smoking is bad, are also doing the same thing. My colleagues tried to quit smoking but could not, as they have said, their bodies just crave the smell of nicotine and the high it brings to them.

Another habit that people cannot stop doing is drinking alcohol. Stress is usually the cause of it. Although there is a study that a glass of wine or beer everyday can be considered healthy, millions of people consume more than that on a daily basis. Despite knowing that too much alcohol in our system can result to drunkenness that might lead tgem to actions they will regret, people still intake alcohol like it is water, because for them, beer tastes good and it is fun to get drunk.

Those activities mentioned above are two of the most popular activities that most people do even when it it bad for them. Self-control, I believe, is the best way to avoid this. With that, discipline follows and it can help people to change or stop these bad habits.

In addition, some countries put high prices on cigarettes and liquors as a way to help everyone in controlling the unhealthy activities they do. However, I believe that knowing that something is bad for you should also reflect to your actions and lifestyle. As the famous saying goes, change starts with you.

Thanks in advance for the future criticisms. I hope applied the corrections from my previous mistakes.

zajacfury - / 1 2  
Jun 3, 2018   #2
Heyy Jalp, I liked your essay about unhealthy activities.
Maybe you should also talk about replacing unhealthy activities, like smoking, with healthy ones, like jogging or idk any kind of sports.

You should pay attention, some of your claims are factually wrong.
(Nicotine does not cause cancer (the other substances in cigarettes do), the study that a glass of wine a day is healthy is also bogus, stress is not the cause of alcohol consumption)

I did not check for spelling mistakes.


With this modern day and age , most people ...
(You should not be so critical at the beginning of the essay. I would not use "most people")
(Recommendation: People always have had vices. Nowadays, even though people are informed about the negative side-effects of alcohol consumption and/or smoking, they continue practicing those unhealthy activities because of the feeling of fulfillment they bring with them.)

(...who advice against smoking)
(I like this sentence: It is ironic that health advocates who advice that smoking is bad, are also doing the same thing)


(Another unhealthy habit of people is alcohol consumption. Most studies that have linked moderate alcohol consumption to a healthy diet have been disproven.
Here you could also say: Societies link alcohol consumption with having a good time. At parties people who do not drink are ostracized. So, in order to feel like being a part of the group people consume alcohol even though it is not pleasurable to them. Sometimes high intakes of alcohol are linked to peer pressure, for example at college parties.)


In addition, some countries put high prices ...
(In addition some countries, like Germany and Sweden, decided to introduce a cigarette and alcohol tax, in order to steer the society towards a healthier lifestyle.)

I feel like a conclusion is missing. Something like:
To summarize, i believe people have enough information to discern if a certain activity is healthy or unhealthy. it all comes down to determination and the support of friends and family.


Good luck!!

Anca
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jun 4, 2018   #3
Jea, you are not being asked for examples of the bad habits of people and what causes them to do these harmful activities. This is a direct question essay that asks you why you think people engage in bad activities in relation to their health and how it can be changed. As the question has a generalized tone, being specific to a few bad habits in your discussion runs counter to the original thesis statement.

The more appropriate tone for this discussion would be general as well. A discussion that doesn't focus on specific illnesses or bad habits which can be discussed in general. For example. For the part asking why you think people do these then the thesis statement for this essay should be indicative of the "Why" and " how to change" discussion. So the thesis statement should appear as follows:

I think that people do engage in unhealthy activities because of a weak personality. Therefore, strengthening their personal resolve to follow what they know to be right for their health is a possible solution to this problem.

Remember, you are not being asked what you "believe", you are being asked what you "think". There is a difference between the two words that alters the discussion perception when presented to the reader. The body paragraphs should represent the following discussions:

1. Why do you think that a weak personality causes the problem.
2. An example that illustrates your line of thinking. (Use one general example for this such as heart disease. )
3. How can it be changed?

You need not mention you are a healthcare professional. That does not have any bearing on this case because you did not use a patient case as an example in the text. The examiner could care less about what your profession is. If you want to mention your profession, then use an example that will tie into the discussion.

While your discussion is informative, it really veers off tangent in the first few paragraphs and doesn't come back into the proper discussion until the 4th paragraph. You should not use and "in addition" reference if you have already presented a possible solution. You should be working on the closing summary of your discussion instead. Remember, the 5th paragraph needs to be a concluding summary and nothing more.
OP jalp 13 / 34 7  
Jun 5, 2018   #4
@zajacfury
Thank you very much for giving me ideas. Your sentences do sound better. Hope to see you around the thread so I can learn more. I agree that my conclusion is a bit odd or kind of lacking. Again, thank you and i appreciate the effort. ☺️

@Holt
Thank you for pointing that out, I clearly failed to answer the task question. I will try answering this again with your suggestions on how I represent the body paragraph, although I'm not sure if i'm allowed to do that or post my new essay again. Either way, I'm grateful for still giving me advices despite my poor previous essays. I like to believe that I'm slowly learning. Small steps but moving forward nonetheless. 👍🏼


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