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Millions of people have now the Internet access, surfing online has become a common thing

ttuyen 1 / 2  
May 21, 2020   #1

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Advantages and Disadvantages

Topic: Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

With the strong development of the Internet, millions of people can now easily access the Internet via their smart devices. Online shopping, therefore, becomes more popular than ever, originally from books to even daily groceries. In my opinion, their advantages definitely beyond the disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are some drawbacks that prevent people from buying things online. The first reason is the feeling. They cannot touch, smell, or try on carefully before making the decisions. This can lead to unsatisfied when the goods are delivered. Secondly, the fraud will be another problem that could occur. There will happen the circumstance that the sellers do not deliver the product after receiving money. The shopper will be tricked for money by the unreal products.

On the other hand, the advantages of this new shopping way are more weighted. The first benefit that can be easily seen is convenience. By only several clicks or touch, people can buy anything from books, clothes, tools, or even food without going out. By this way, people can save a lot of time traveling to the stores, especially benefit for busy people. For example, people can now sit in their homes with the pizza will be served at their place about thirty minutes after some clicks. Secondly, online shopping platforms can provide a wide range of products with many suppliers. They sell everything as in the physical stores. People can easily find their needs and compare the price among sellers quickly before making the decision. These advantages absolutely surpass the inconveniences.

In conclusion, although online shopping still remains some drawbacks, it now becomes more and more popular, I am of the opinion that the advantages are outweighed.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,037 4251  
May 22, 2020   #2
The main problem that I see with your presentation pertains mostly to your grammar. You need to learn to use verbs in order to create a sentence that makes sense to the examiner. For example:

... their advantages definitely beyond the disadvantages.
- the advantages need an action word to complete the description so: ... their advantages definitely OUTWEIGH the disadvantages.


... their advantages definitely GO beyond the disadvantages

You also need to use subjects when presenting verbs:
... They cannot touch, smell, or try on carefully before making the decisions.
- try on what? What is the subject of that reference? clothes? perfume? shoes? The sentence thought process is incomplete.

Error in vocabulary usage:
... clicks or touch...
- Clicks would have been sufficient. Touch doesn't do anything to the screen unless you click or tap on it.

Now, for a more coherent explanation of the advantage v. disadvantage, your presentation would have been stronger if you had actually taken the disadvantage discussion points and proven why these disadvantages are actually advantages. It would have created a more cohesive and coherent presentation as all of the discussion points, positive and negative would have all connected to the same subject. So, to write this essay, you should have first outlined:

Disadvantage: Non- physical Shopping - lack of physical contact with the item, possible mistakes in item delivery, payment fraud
Advantage: Health precautions: non-exposure to viruses, bacteria, and germs (reference Covid 19 new normal shopping guidelines. It shows your understanding of current events in relation to the given topic) . Saves time because a person can shop from anywhere (even at work), items are delivered to the client's home allowing the buyer to do other things with his or her time. People can easily shop and compare items without having to physically go from store to store.

Properly outlining the essay by looking for the connected advantages and disadvantages of the same topic, you create a clear analysis of the discussion and present fully developed reasoning presentations using both sides of the same topic. Always aim to connect reason 1 with reason 2. That way, the essay comes across as fully developed and explained to the examiner.

Your conclusion is incomplete. Kindly review the reverse paraphrase requirements and apply it to the next essay. The reverse paraphrase needs:

- A topic restatement
- Advantage reason (summarized)
- Disadvantage reason ( summarized)
- Closing opinion

Your essay is actually good, but it could have been better. The second paragraph could have used more appropriate discussion development.
OP ttuyen 1 / 2  
May 22, 2020   #3
Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it and will apply for my next essay.
Kasya 1 / 2  
May 22, 2020   #4
1.Your introduction paragraph is a little bit too short. It needs a strong statement , which you then should repeat in your conclusion.
2. The Essay should contain at least 5 to 8 paragraphs with support details for your main thesis of your essay.
3.Your conclusion is too short. It should have at least 4 sentences, and repeat the main statement in different words.
4.You have a comma splice in your conclusion. After the words ¨it now becomes more and more popular¨ you need to put period.
5.Other wise I liked your Essay, good thinking, and good reasoning.
OP ttuyen 1 / 2  
May 22, 2020   #5
Could you please mark this essay with the IELTS criterion so that I can understand how much I need to improve, my target score in writing is 7 to 7.5. Thank you so much.
Smile12_12 6 / 13  
May 22, 2020   #6
No one can score your essay at this moment.
How it will be if your essay is 7.0 then you can stop to improve the skill. Additionally, the score may not correct that affects on your emotion while taking the real test.

I have asked my score. But now I ignore it since I focus on improving my English, not the IELTS test.
Hope you can achive your target

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