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Modern forms of communication have had a negative effect on their social lives.


prettyinside 2 / 2  
Oct 26, 2016   #1
Hi guys! I need help to edit my small essay for my English class. I am studying English so i think it must have many things wrong need correcting.

Thanks for any help from everybody!!!

Nowadays, people use the modern form of communication such as email and messaging. this has changed our social life, but not completely our life is getting worse. In contrary, it makes ours better.

In the past, people communicated by letter or phone. It was difficult to communicate like this usually, because they could only makes one or two phone calls a day. And even a month or a year if we communicate by letter. As a result, their social relationship were not gradually close.

In the present days, we can instantly send a message to all our friends by social network or some message applications. Our friends always receive the message, no matter where they are. As a consequence our relationships are getting better. For instance, I always communicate will my all friends by facebook messenger everyday. I will know well how their life are going, so we will be closer. And we spend more time on meeting unashamedly. In my experience, time for meeting of all people is increasing, especially young people. the proof is that there are many social public places rising such as coffee shop, tea room, bar,...

In conclusion, I strongly disagree this opinion and completely believe that modern form of communication is improving our social life and becomes better and better.

IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Oct 26, 2016   #2
Hi prettyinside. Here are my suggestions for you.

I will focus on your grammatical structure and some additional suggestions.

... communicate like this usually, because they could only makes one or two ...
As a result, their social relationship were not gradually close.their social relationship would not get closer.
As a consequence(,) our relationships
... always communicate will my all friends by facebook ...
I will know well how their ...
And we spend more time on meeting unashamedly (it would be better if you merge this sentence to one sentence before.).
Inbased on my experience, (...), especially for young people.
... shop, tea room, bar,... (?)

... modern form of communication is improving improves our social ...

Suggestions: you can write down your main ideas each paragraph in the conclusion. you should make a "strong" conclusion to avoid any hesitation of your readers.

Goodluck!


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