Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

( IELTS essay) Money spent for in.national sports events /sports training to children


joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 21, 2013   #1
Many COUNTRIES SPEND LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON WORLD SPORTING EVENTS SUCH AS OLYMPICS GAMES AND FOOTBALL WORLD CUP. instead these money can spent on encouraging young children to take part in sports at young stage. Do you agree or disagree

Victories in international sports and games bring recognition and fame to countries. Since, a huge amount of money needed to spend for organizing these events, it raise a question whether government should use the money for lavish international sporting events or bringing up young talents. However, I feel, it is wise to keep a balance between these two, which will be more beneficial for the country.

International sports competitions like football world cup, demands a drastic amount of money, for arranging all necessary facilities like, galleries, tracks, and so on. As it is a prestigious issue, countries try to make it in a best way they can. These sports events are excellent opportunities for the local people to see their favorite sport stars performing lively. It gives a chance to exhibit their tradition, encourages tourism and boosts all associated service industries, such as hotel industry, that help in the economic progress. Another point is that, the favorable climatic conditions and support of local people contribute motivation and inspiration to home country's team to win the game.

Nevertheless, government cannot keep a blind eye on the sprouting athletes. If there are no trained and talented athletes, the country cannot become the winner of the game. If government is using these heavy amount of money, in the basic levels such as providing facilities for molding the young children as real sports personals, it will be useful for future too. These children will be the shining stars of the country for not only one season, but also longer periods. This money will be an investment in this field. It is undeniable that enormous money is needed to create a successful sports team. Athletes' special requirements such as financial assistance, good coaches, tracks and so on, take away a good amount of money.

To conclude, it is important to develop a good team of athletes for the country, which should be started from children. The organization of international sports events helps in the economical development indirectly. Hence, I feel, government should keep equilibrium between the two.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 21, 2013   #2
[

it raise a question

it raises a question

However, I feel, it is wise to keep a balance between these two, which will be more beneficial for the country.

Good intro :)
International sports competitions like football world cup, demands a drasticlarge amount of money (no comma) for arranging all necessary facilities like (no comma here) galleries, tracks, and so on.

competitions demand/ competition demands
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jan 21, 2013   #3
Since, a huge amount of money needed to spend for organizing these events, it raise a question whether government should use the money for lavish international sporting events or bringing up young talents.

... I don't think you need a comma after the since in this sentence.

Since a huge amount of money needed to spend for organizing these events, it raisesa question whether governmentsshould use the money for lavish international sporting events or bringing up young talents.

As it is a prestigious issue, countries try to make it in a best way they can.

Since it is a prestigious tournament, countries try to host it as best they could.

You have very good points for your essay. I hope my suggestions helped. :)
mcuong01 12 / 24 3  
Jan 22, 2013   #4
If government is using these heavy amount of money, in the basic levels such as providing facilities for molding the young children as real sports personals, it will be useful for future too.

=> why you use the present continuous in the If-clause?
=> 'also' should be used instead of 'too' because it's more formal.

It is undeniable that enormous money is (needed) essential to create a successful sports team.
=> sounds a bit better
devabe2005 46 / 97  
Jan 23, 2013   #5
like, galleries, tracks, and so on. --> comma after like you can avoid --> i think typing mistake

extra points like
providing scholarships for young children to continue for special training
giving huge compensation and other benefits for winning athletes to motivate youngsters to train and win the competitions.


Home / Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) Money spent for in.national sports events /sports training to children