Some people spend a lot of money attending cultural or sports events.
Is it a good or a bad thing?
There are widely divergent schools of thought on the issue of whether a number of individuals allocate their budget to become participants in cultural and athletic events or not. From my personal perspective, I firmly assert that these events are beneficial for participants.
Initially, one of the most noticeable reasons is that people could expand their horizons of knowledge via making a payment for partaking in sports and cultural events. This is on account of the extensive understanding about their civilizations, traditions, and customs that can provide citizens and visitors with a deeper insight into national gastronomy and cultural diversity. That can boost national identity and increase mutual understanding among indigenous people and foreigners. For instance, Hue festivals, which attract a plethora of travelers nationwide and worldwide, are celebrated by the government to introduce the image of Vietnam to international friends, which can help visitors gain a variety of knowledge about Vietnamese civilization.
In addition, engaging in athletic and cultural events is a means of entertainment that has a tendency to make the resident feel a sense of relaxation and excitement. To clarify, spectators' stress could be radically released by shouting out to support their teams or athletes, hence, the sportsmanship of supporters is more likely to be fostered. Simultaneously, the energetic atmosphere of these events would increase spectators' exhilaration, which could improve their work performance and foster their productivity considerably.
All in all, I personally advocate the idea that the allocation to engage in events about culture and athletics has a beneficial influence. This is because participants could have a wider range of understanding about their traditions and foster their quality of work more effectively.
Word count: 276
Please give me the overall band score in detail. Thank you so much!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,249 4652
My apologies but you seem to misunderstand what is covered in the FREE REVIEW SERVICES of this forum. The free reviews are given based on my overall review of your essay. The detailed review and possible score review that you are asking for are only offered under our paid review services . Since you want that kind of review, you should contact me through our company email address listed below to inquire about my private comprehensive IELTS assessment services. Then you will receive the detailed scoring review that you wish to have. Free to post users of the forum, those who opt for the free review services are not given the opportunity to request, demand, or instruct the Educational Consultant on the type of review that will be given for the openly posted essay. I will await your private review inquiry email.
I think your essay is quite good. You attempt to use complex sentences and advanced vocabulary. Besides, the way you develop your ideas and you answer the question. However, I think you should use 'in conclusion' for paragraph 4 because it is more formal than 'all in all' or 'in a nutshell'.