The monitoring features of technology supports humans' role

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what peopleare saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The advance of technology these days provides easiness for humans to monitor someone else's activity by tracking features and hidden cameras which this action is unknown by the citizens who are being tracked. On my point of view, this advance brings more advantages for police officers and parents to supervise person related to their roles than drawback because of misuse by criminals.

The drawback of this technology function is caused by danger people who misuse it as a tool to deceive their victims. For example, they install hidden camera in their victims' environment and track their daily activity through cellphone. After they observe and conduct useful personal information from their victim such as their identity and bank account, they begin their mission and camouflage themselves as a representative of bank company. They send message to their victims saying they win a jackpot of luxurious car because they are loyal customers in their office. However, consumers have to pay the downpayment for its tax before get this car. Next, targets who already believe them because they know about their identity transfer a large amount number to them. At the end, they will disappear and leave drawback for people who have been fooled. However, I believe this technology provides more benefits for officers to arrest criminals.

Undoubtedly, policemen use CCTV and smart devices tracking to collect evidence of their cases. These sorts of technology are pivotal for them since these make their job easier. For example, a few months ago FBI asked Apple company for tracking a terorirst's phone data. This case needed a coorporation from the phone company since the criminal locked his smartphone and the officers could not handle with its password. The policeman wanted to gather evidence in his phone regarding to his connections, motive and possibility of another attack in the future. As a result, the police can solve this problem by tracking his cellphone.

Another merit is parents monitoring their children's daily activity by using these technologies such as CCTV. In particular, they supervises their children using internet at their house eventhough they are in their office. This method is pivotal because it helps parents to prevent their child from becoming addictive consumer of internet. They still control their children's schedule which if kids spend too much time for online, they can observe it directly through their house CCTV. Then, they will immediately call their children to stop that activity and focus on their study such as do their homework despite of they are not in the same place with their kids.

To sum up, I personally agree that the technology consumption for monitoring populations' activity makes other people's job much easier than in the past.

Hi Tira, here's a few suggestions;

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There you have it Tira, I hope with all this effort in directing you to the right sentences and grammar composition, you will be able to come up with a better revision.

good morning tira your essay is good, i have a suggestion to your conclusion paragraph :
you can make more than 2 sentences and
you could use this pattern :
1. restatement the question
2. opinion,
3. new idea such as hope, recommendation

I hope that my suggestions help.


my suggestion :
To sum up, it is evident that those are some benefits and drawbacks following massive inhabitants activities. I personally agree that the technology consumption for monitoring populations' activity makes other people's job much easier than in the past. Then, i hope that the official can pay more attention on this problem in the future for saving their folks.