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IELTS - Task 1 - movie theater attendance by age group in Great Britain

Lynapharma 1 / 1 1  
Apr 7, 2017   #1

cinema visitors in great britain

The line graph given compares four age groups of people (7-14, 15-24, 25-35 and over 35 years old) in terms of going to movie theater in Great Britain from 1984 to 2000. Overall, there was a general increase in all four groups over the 16-year period, despite some fluctuations. The figure of 15 to 24 years old group remained the highest in the most years while the porportion of aldults over 35 years old accounted the smallest.

In 1984, the number of teenagers from 15 to 24 attended cinema activities stood at approximately 16% and then this number rose up to around 32% in 1990s. Before reaching the peak of nearly 60% in 1999, there was dramatical fluctuations from 1990 to 1996, still below 50%. With the same trend, the porportion of chidlren from 7 to 14 years old underwent certain flutuations over the samilar period before 1990s and got the highest point over the whole line graph with almost 40% in 1998 and then dropped down to below 30%.

It can be seen from the graph that the figure of young aldults in 25-35 years old group varied less significant than two above groups. This figure stood at around 5% in 1984 and with some slight fluctuations and finally increased to below 30%. In contrast, the proportion of people over 35 years old increased steadily throughout the period of 16 years old form about 3% to 14% in 2000.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,974 4811  
Apr 7, 2017   #2
Tran, I wonder if you were not provided with the prompt description and requirements for the discussion regarding the graph. Normally, the statement overview requires a paraphrasing of the original instructions and topic for discussion, without the presentation of any actual facts and figures from the chart immediately. Since your essay did not follow this format, I am not sure if you accomplished that part of the task properly. Having said that, I will disregard the fact that I have some doubts about the first paragraph. Without that consideration, this essay can easily score a 7(in my opinion) because of the accuracy of your factual presentation and your English writing abilities, all considered. Your score would have been improved if you had used more full sentences instead of using connecting words such as "and" in the essay. Try to learn how to develop short but concise and informative sentences that do not rely on repetitive presentations and connecting words in order to show a higher level of English vocabulary and grammar abilities. Good job on this essay just the same. It is one of the best that I have read here.
OP Lynapharma 1 / 1 1  
Apr 7, 2017   #3
Thanks for your useful advice :)

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