Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Toefl----moving to a new place can lose old friends


mhh2531 5 / 7  
Sep 27, 2011   #1
This is my TOEFL essay. Please give me some suggestions.

I disagree that it's often not a good thing to move to a new town or country because they lose old friends.

First of all, by moving a new town or country, we can make more friends. When we stay the same place, we may familiar the place and people. However, we stay the same place for a long time and spend a lot of time getting along with these people, which we are possible to produce a tired attitude because of habit. In contrast, we can change the place and we can not only make new friends but also explore the new social life. For example, before I attended college, I lived in the place for 18 years including studying the senior and junior high schools. There is the small place, and people know each other. My classmates are also my older friends for a long time. But when I went to college, I moved other place. I know the other people who can teach me something I never know. It's funny to make different friends and I also share these things with my older friends. We still stay in touch.

Second, by moving a new town or country, we can understand the custom of other place. We live in the same place, and we may be familiar the environment. Although, we can alter the place and we can adjust the life with different mind. Because the same place we may be used to everything, we may know what things will happen in this place. When we move to other place, we can produce expectation of attitude as everything is new. We also can invite older friends for travel.

Finally, by moving a new place or country, we can abundance our life. We stay the same place, and we may talk the familiar topic with our older friends. However, we move other place, and we can stay in touch with older friends by telling them the novel things in the new place. It also can enhance the emotion of old friend and we also learn something novel things we never see before.

For the above reasons, we disagree that it's often not a good thing to move a new town or country because they lose old friends.

soshianet 16 / 47  
Sep 27, 2011   #2
Do not write "it's" in Toefl. You should write "it is" instead. Use formal term.

I have checked this book "Barron's How to Prepare for TOEFL Essay" and 185 essays about this point. There is no problem to write "it's"
basawang 10 / 76  
Sep 27, 2011   #3
By the way,

The sentences I marked in blue highlight seem problematic.

My classmates are also my older friends for a long time.

This sentence does not fit well in the second paragraph.

Did you try to say something like this?

I had only a few friends. Most of them are my classmates who I have known for a long time.

It also can enhance the emotion of old friend and we also learn something novel things we never see before.

As I see, this sentence is redundant. It does not add any new information.

In addition, can anyone tell me the difference between "old friends" and "older friends"?

I am confused.

Good luck
basawang 10 / 76  
Sep 27, 2011   #4
Soshianet'

I am pretty sure using a formal term is a good idea in the Toefl test.

Please avoid these phrases "can't, don't, its, we'll, they've".

Use "cannot, do not, it is, we will, they have"

Best wishes,


Home / Writing Feedback / Toefl----moving to a new place can lose old friends