Writing Task 2: Museums and art galleries should be free or not?

Essay: All museums and art galleries should be free, others think there should be entrance fee.

Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Although it is sometimes thought that museums and art galleries should offer free admission to their visitors, other people believe that there should be an entrance fee. In my opinion, I consider that such national places should not be free of charged for the public. (45words)

On the one hand, some people think that entrance fee is indispensable for maintaining national places and I agree. In other words, governments do not have sufficient funds to subsidize museums and art galleries and there are other priorities for public money. Therefore, the money earned from entrance fee help these places survive. Furthermore, an admission charge provides visitors with positive experiences during their visit. In other words, an overcrowded museum would make it difficult for many art-loves to push through the throngs of people, let alone admire pieces of art. By contrast, a less crowded museum may enable visitors to stand and contemplate a work of art. (108 words)

On the other hand, it is often believed that it is better if museums and galleries should abandon entrance fee. As people, we are attracted to somewhere free of charge, so offering free admission would encourage more people to visit. Another reason why many people believe that public should not be charged fee when they enter museums or art galleries is that it is an effective way to promote country's cultural background widely. For instance, visitors are possible to pay more attention to such places while getting stuck for ideas on their holidays when it is free. (97 words)

In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that museums and art galleries should charge an entrance fee for help these place work and give positive feeling for visitors. (32 words)

I think your essay is well-structure. I would like to help with some grammar and spelling mistakes: free of charge ; give a positive feeling ... entrance fee to help these place ; art-lovers

Do not make it a habit to write your word count per paragraph during the practice essays. You may be distracted by that during the actual test. Just make sure that you write between 3-5 sentence per paragraph. That will assure you of meeting the minimum - maximum sentence and word requirement per paragraph. You won't have to keep track of your word count if you use the expected paragraph format presentation throughout.

So, this is a comparative essay discussion. Yet, you treated is as a singular point of view presentation. Were you confused by the instructions? It clearly states that you have to discuss both points of view and only after that, give your your own opinion. So the format you should have used was:

Sentence 1: Public point of view
Sentence 2: Explanation of why the public believes this
Sentence 3: Your opposition or support of this point of view
Sentence 4: Why you believe / do not believe this point of view
Sentence 5: Use an illustrative example to add clarity to your support / non support of the opinion

You cannot simply say "and I agree". There has to be a build up of your explanation for the support or opposition to the opinion. The use of proper gender free pronouns would help add clarity to the presentation by clearly differentiating between the public belief and your point of view. Without it, the essay becomes confusing to read. Who is actually speaking in the paragraphs? Where does the public opinion start and end. Where does does the personal opinion begin and end? Work on the clarity of your discussion presentations.

The concluding paragraph cannot be a single sentence. It always needs at least 3 sentences that will properly summarize the previous discussion. Don't just lump it into one sentence and hope that the examiner can find clarity in what you are saying. The conclusion should be just as comprehensive as the discussion paragraphs to help close the essay on a clear and strong note.