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IELTS; Why do we need music?


novembernqk 2 / 1  
Oct 7, 2013   #1
Topic: There are many different type of music in the world today, Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays

Nowadays, there are various kind of music in human life, the traditional music and international music can be listed as the kinds. This essay will discuss about their roles and compare the role of them in daily life.

First of all, the important role of music in human life can not disagree. The traditional music with slow and beautiful melody will help people reduce stress in daily life. It can be seen with the international music, such as euro classical music. Moreover, music is one ways to teach foreigner language for people. A song with funny sentences and sound will help people to be easy to remember and use foreigner language. Thus, the important role of music in human life does not argue.

Someone holds an opinion that the traditional music is more important than the international music. It may be true because the traditional music is one of aspects of national culture and it is a national treasure. However, the role of the international music can not forget. While the traditional music reflects the old national life and is suitable for older, the international music reflects the model life and is suitable for adults. It is easy to be chosen by most people in order to reduce stress after a working day. Thus, the role of the traditional music and the international music are equal and important.

In conclusion, music plays a center role in refreshing and teaching people in daily life. It is difficult to point out that the traditional music is more important than the international music.

ieltsp 6 / 12 5  
Oct 7, 2013   #2
Someone holds an opinion that the traditional music is more important than the international music

This may be written as 'On the other hand/ Alternatively/ Conversely there are people who hold opinion that traditional music is more important than the international music

Introduction is also very short. Try to expand on Introduction.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 8, 2013   #3
Nowadays, there are various kind of music in human life, the traditional music and international music can be listed as the kinds.

Nowadays there are many types of music forms. However, they can be broadly divided into two groups such as traditional and international music.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 8, 2013   #4
It may be true because the traditional music is one of aspects of national culture and it is a national treasure.

This may be true because traditional music is an important aspect of one's culture and therefore it is treated as a national heritage and treasure.

However, the role of the international music can not forget

However, the role played by the international music cannot be forgotten.

While the traditional music reflects the old national life and is suitable for older, the international music reflects the model life and is suitable for adults

While the traditional music forms preserve cultural identity for a nation, the international music helps nations to come together by sharing something common.
OchoCinco85 1 / 2  
Oct 8, 2013   #5
To much 'telling the reader' in the essay. Let the essay convey its own ideas through itself. The sentences are awkward and do not flow, a trick my english teacher taught me was to 1. count the syllables in each sentence and have some sort of relationship within the sentence and 2. underline the words in each sentence that add to the value of the sentence. If at least 50% of the words dont add value that sentence is bad (i would advise you doing that) and lastly the elimination of linking verbs could signficantly improve your writing.


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