IELTS task 2. Why do we need music? Is the traditional one more important the international music

every kind of music has its own value

In this economically developed world, a lot of industries have appear to meet people's needs. One of them is music industry which is indispensable in our modern life. In this essay, we are going to study why music is necessary and if the traditional one is more vital than the international one.

As for the need of music, people listen to it so as to relax or entertain themselves after a hard-working period of time. It is obvious that the rhythm and soundtrack of a song can dramatically affect peoples feeling due to its ability to cheer them up or even make them cry. Moreover, songs are usually said to be able to give out messages of the composer or singer. They can get approach to listener far more easier than a boring presentation. For example, an album called "Love yourself" has been released by a well-known Korean boy band which tells people not only to live the way they like but also to follow their dreams.

Furthermore, I do not reckon that traditional music is more crucial than the international one. It is because of their totally different characteristics. While a country's music reveals the culture, the uniqueness like costumes and festivals; worldwide music brings people closer by providing them something in common.

In a nutshell, due to the ability to entertain people and spread messages, music is extremely necessary in today's life and every kind of music has its own value.

Thanks for reading.

You need to fix some grammar, article and preposition mistakes: "have appeared"; "one of them is the music industry"; "All the need of for music"; "more easier"; " necessary in for today's life"

I'm not an expert writer but I think fixing these mistake will help you gain a higher score. Furthermore, your idea is good and easy to understand but you need to extend it a little bit more because the ielts task 2 require at least 250 words. Thanks for reading my feedback.

It will be difficult for me to review your essay properly because the writing you have done does not meet the minimum word requirement. You only wrote 243 words out of the minimum 250. As there will be points deductions for being under the minimum word count, I feel that it would not be fair of me to review your work based on this obviously short essay. It does not reflect your actual LR, GRA, and C&C abilities. What I can do though is give you an idea of how you can meet the word requirement next time you write a practice test.

Since there were direct questions asked in the original prompt. You should over a direct response to each question in the first paragraph. There are two reasons for this format of response. The first reason, is that you will be able to give the examiner an outline of the upcoming discussion paragraphs. The second, is that you will have a constant reminder of what topics you are supposed to discuss in the discussion paragraphs. Finally, it helps to show the examiner early on that you have a good level of English comprehension skills that allow you to analyze how the essay is to be formatted in the overall presentation.

You need to properly develop each paragraph discussion. Use no more than 5 sentences to explain your opinion. The 5 sentence rule per paragraph is what ensures you will write at least 250 words. Don't focus on developing only one paragraph. It needs to be a balanced discussion because you will be scored on the relevance and full development of your explanations per paragraph under the C&C and GRA sections.

@Holt @tandlvn2003
Thank you for giving me such great advice and for spending your precious time reading my essay. I'll try to improve my writing next time.