IELTS WRITING TASK 1 (NATURAL PROCESS): The diagram shows the life of a honey bee.

I'm learning for the IELTS exam. Please, help me check and mark the essay. Thank you so much.

Summarise the information from the diagram

Answer:

The given figure illustrates the different stages in the life of a honey bee, from birth to mature.

Overall, there are 5 main steps in the development of a honey bee, beginning with an egg and finishing with a grown insect. It also can be seen that the life cycle lasts about 34-36 days.

At the first stage of the life cycle, the female honey bees lay eggs, typically, 1 or 2 eggs are produced every 3 days. After 9-10 days, the newborn bees (also called nymphs) are hatched from eggs.

The following stage in the development involves growing and moulting. The immature individuals grow quickly in size and shed their skin 3 times in this phase. The first time occurs 5 days after the nymphs were born, then 7 days and 9 days later. After that, the young adults merge from the final moulting stage. Finally, it takes the young honey bees 4 days to become fully grown adults and the cycle life starts again.

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  honeybee.jpg
  

A writer cannot describe an image as simply "the given figure". He must be specific about the image type since this will be a part of the task accuracy score. Such accurately descriptive terms should be familiar to the writer who is expected to know the various images used for this task. In this instance, the provided image was an illustrative diagram since it shows a cycle of development.

Any section that does not meet the 3 sentence minimum requirement will not be scored as a complete paragraph. That means, the summary overview should have more content in its presentation. In actuality, the first paragraph should contain a merged:

- Summary of information
- Trending explanation

These 2 requirements normally produce a 3-5 sentence paragraph. A presentation worthy of full TA scoring considerations.

Descriptive / illustrative paragraphs must be better balanced within the presentation. It must follow the same paragraph sentence requirement and meet the analytical standards of the presentation. While the writer provided more than the minimum word count, the writer could have done a more thorough job of analysing and reporting on the first half of the life cycle. The complete life cycle calendar should have been mentioned in a more highlightable manner in the last paragraph as well.

My advice is that your paragraph-building should be balanced between the body 1 and body 2. Whist you write 5 sentences in the body 2, it can be a bit unbalanced for only 2 sentences in body 1.

I think your part 1 writing is not well-structured, your second overview paragraph is not doing such a good job as the trends are not really clearly described. I recommend to change to divide this process into two stages and label the name of those two instead of telling that there are 5 steps beginning from... to .... For example, the first primary stage would be at the form of eggs and thereafter at the form of insects. This may help you to rebalance your paragraphing which is not illustrating clearly enough in the first paragraph.

Hope this may work and help you !

There is a detail that the bee gets the pattern after the second moulting, which should be added.

As other persons said, the 3rd and the 4th paragraph is unbalanced, maybe you can write hatch and moulting in a paragraph while becoming a young adult and mature in another paragraph.

Hope you can get a good grade!