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IELTS2 - it is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring their children up


AliminHamzah 6 / 9 4  
Oct 19, 2017   #1
It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring their children up.
Do you agree or disagree?


parenting and nourishing kids



As parents, knowledge about nourishing kids is very important. Especially, currently, many people get married in the young age. Hence, I totally agree if fossils taking course about be good parents.

Firstly, look the number of young people get married early, it will be worry with their relation by the time. With their age, is not easy to manage and organized their household. Therefore, the number of divorce often increase, following the number of young person get married early. For a example, mostly my friends who fast married have broken home. This happened, because their knowledge about parenting is less. So, training course about the issue is nice for them especially for both of young father and mother.

Secondly, through this training we can reduce the number of promiscuity, because several oldsters are amateur become father and mother actually. It means, too fast become graybeard, in the deep explanation, they have not ready with their knowledge, their experience, their mental and others. All of it have to prepared early, the one way is through this training course. As is there this course, we hope can tackle this issue or minimalist the number of it. so that, attending the training course is pivotal to do.

To conclude, become parents are not easy, so we have to prepare all things about household. I suggest to government to make new rule about this problem and collaborate with oldster to parenting and nourishing their kids. The last, I hope except to handle this problem, the number of broken home will happen reduction.

Please give me score ^_^

Ummu 4 / 6 2  
Oct 19, 2017   #2
hi Alimin Hamzah, it is good to read your essay about parenting and children.
your pattern in writing task 2 already clear, by gives main idea and conclude by provide sum up.
unfortunately, when i read it, your essay look like over generalized, you can take attention by the word "it is not easy to manage .."
also you use some "rude word" like "look the number of young people.."

i think, it should be make soften
but overall, you already success to make a good essay.
good luck ^^
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Oct 19, 2017   #3
Hi, I am afraid your essay did not really address the prompt much at all. I expected to read about raising children in your essay, since that is what the prompt is asking. Instead you talk about making marriages stronger and preventing divorce, which is not what the prompt is talking about at all. Here are some specific suggestions:
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,198 464  
Oct 19, 2017   #4
Hello Alimin, this essay has plus and minus. The positive point on this essay is overall structure offered well developed, while this essay is mostly supported with average grammar skills. Some sentences lack cohesion. This results in poor coherence among paragraphs. Here do I give you an example how to build bridges between parts of your sentences and paragraphs:

Introduction:
A parenting education program suggested to those wanting to nurture their children is justifiable. I totally agree with this initiative as parents should be equipped with this effective parenting skills, and thus a better child-parent relationship is the most valued.

Conclusion:
In conclusion, parenting classes teach parents how to help develop their children in a close-knit family. The class provides real solutions on building solid relationship between parents and children.

Hope this short valuable feedback can be a brief guideline to help you improve the issue.

- Eddy Suaib
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Oct 19, 2017   #5
Alimin, your score for this essay will not be higher than a 2 for a very simple reason, your response barely responds to the given prompt. You have somehow managed to not only misunderstand the prompt requirement, but also discuss a totally different topic along with it. You have an obviously weak ability when it comes to English comprehension skills. The simple paraphrasing of the prompt was something as follows:

These days, courses in parenting are being offered to help parents learn how to properly raise their children. Some questions have arisen as to whether or not this is a necessary activity for parents. I have a tendency to agree with the opinion that parents should take parenting courses in order to help them better raise their children.

Now, the problem with your essay is that you do not focus on the sole discussion topic provided. You also discuss divorce and promiscuity, which are not included in the original prompt discussion. Therefore, a prompt deviation occurred. It was this mistake in your discussion presentation that led to the failure of your overall essay presentation.
happyfunny 4 / 5  
Oct 19, 2017   #6
Hello Guy,

I think your essay didn't follow the prompt, I found some grammar mistakes:

1.You should focus on multiple, single :
#the number of divorce => divorces
# number of young person => young people.
# I totally agree if fossils taking course about be good parents. => a course.

# All of it have => it has

2.A,an,the
#I suggest to government to make new rule .... => the government, a new rule
# For a example => an example.

I hope it can help you.

Happy


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