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Negative effect of electronic media on personal relationship - ielts task 2


Bayuwibowo 48 / 73 21  
Sep 15, 2015   #1
The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In the past, personal relationship means to interact face-to-face between people. While the inventions of electronic media have brought the detrimental effect to that statement, I would argue the benefits such as, maintaining relationship in long distance and be acquaintance with plenty friends outweigh the drawback like antisocial behavior.

It seems to me that electronic media involve much positive effect on human relationships. Thanks to Graham Bell the creator of hand phones, his findings establishing us to keep in touch with long distance friends or families whenever we feel hankers. Not only this, the internet discoveries send us to the further step of human history, when it combines with yours digital media it creates a powerful weapon for that personal connection. To exemplify, latest smartphones allowed us to have a set eyes communication with interlocutor. In addition, from social media (facebook, twitter, and whatsapp) we can be acquaintance with different people around the world.

In fact, the corrosive effect of that technology is depending on the users. They can choose to become addictive in their gadget or not. For instance, in Jakarta the group of teenagers in a café where preoccupied with their personal computer rather than talking to each other; it also noticeable that pedestrian in this city looks at their smartphone more often than behold to the pavement. In conclusion, it is your choice, take that negative effect and become asocial or the opposite.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that digital media have merit and demerit consequences. However, the advantages of that digital media are inevitable. It is clearly seen greater than the detrimental effect. Where possible act more responsibly when you use that technology .

shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Sep 16, 2015   #2
The question: The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people

Conclusion:

The aforementioned evidence reveals that digital media have merit and demerit consequences. However, the advantages of that digital media are inevitable. It is clearly seen greater than the detrimental effect. Where possible act more responsibly when you use that technology.

I know that you have tried to paraphrase some words from the question. However, an important step in the process of paraphrasing is to identify any shared language. The term of "shared language" refers to words or phrases in the original source that should remain the same, such as:

1. Proper nouns (President Jokowi, Indonesia, English Studio, ...)
2. Common nouns (police, zebra, chair, ...)
3. Dates and figures (July, 2015, 18%, ...)p
4. Specialized language (blood pressure, enalty kick, ...) >> electronic media is categorized here


It is therefore unnecessary to changed "electronic media" to be "digital media". So, be careful of using synonyms. If you are not sure of their usage do not use them since they may give a very different meaning if used inappropriately.

Hope this helps ~ Shinta
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Sep 22, 2015   #3
In the past, personal relationship means to interact [...]

All parts in the world are electronically connected. As such, it is commonly seen that some people living in different areas have strong relationships even though they have not meet one another. Yet, it is argued that too much electronic interaction socially affects personal relationships, since many people have felt a sense of social isolation.


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