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IELTS TASK II : The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationship

Abraham22 20 / 11 15  
Sep 16, 2015   #1
Psychologists said that personal relationship means commitments, uniquenesses, dialectics, and rules. These days, personal relationship experiences a serious dilemma among human's life owing to the excessive use of E-media. Whilst most people argue that it has reduced sense of belonging in personal intercourse, I utterly argue that this has both positive and negative implications.

Turning to negative side, interlacing relationship by using electronic media has opened a huge gap in personal relationship in a particular sense of belonging. It can occur since a lack of direct communication or less frequency for a face-to-face meeting leading the level of sensitivity for feeling empathy turns extremely low. A recent study of psychology has revealed that E-media has reduced the sensibility level to care each other among inhabitants due to less emotional relationship which should be gotten by intensity of several meetings. As a result, sensibility becomes the lowest because of using E-media. Utilizing E-media oftentimes will bring to the worst personal relationship condition.

In contrast, there is a potential factor which is able to help the inhabitants growing a great personal relationship by way of E-media. Conversely the people are disaggregated by far distances, it would look closer thanks to aid of technology. For instance, by utilizing mobile phone which connects everyone in everywhere using the feature like camera in order that the people can directly face-to-face with the others without should make an appoinment in a place. Thus, they can keep in touch, albeit separated of distances. This means as far as any place, personal relationship still can be kept by aid of an E-media.

To conclude, the detrimental factor that brings the personal relationship between the people is as a lack of feeling sympathy because of depending on the E-media. Moreover, if the people know how to use the E-media well, it should bring a great merit in keeping a personal relationship.
broerjuang 5 / 6 1  
Sep 16, 2015   #2
Hi Abraham,

I think you need to improve your understanding of the words.

Psychologists .... commitments, uniquenesses, dialectics , and rules.

What do you mean by dialectics?

Here I found the meaning in dictionary and I guessed that this is not the meaning that you intended to.
>>> a rationale for dialectical materialism based on change through the conflict of opposing forces

utterly argue
>> When you said something is terrible, it can be something is very, very terrible.

It's better to start one-by-one until you can handle the more sophisticated vocabulary.

Thank you :D

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