IELTS: Negative effect of modern life's pressures on family life

Some people believe that pressures of modern life are having negative effect on family life. Do you agree or disagree?

The modern life has blown a new trend of working and living in big cities. However, some people blame its pressures for negative effects on family life, with which I partly agree.

It is clear for all to see that a number of families have suffered from spiritual burdens it brings. To keep up with the rat race of life, parents are supposed to execute enormous workload to earn for living, which takes up most of their time. Especially, some businessmen who usually leave home early and come back late have no time to see their children, let alone to gather and relax with the family. Besides, heavy stressful workload also leads to depression and exhaustion for cities dwellers and mental and physical deterioration is more likely to happen. Moreover, focusing on their own work makes people desperate and less close, resulting in reduce in family sentiment.

Nonetheless, such drawbacks are not unavoidable. It is possible to find some urban residents that live happily in modern environments of cities. Those persons know exactly how to manage their time budget efficiently and balance between life and work. Some of them are willing to give away a part of work to have more time for taking care of their children, which brings them peace in the noisy life. Equally important, they succeed in taking advantage of modern life, say, information technology and entertainment, to relax themselves and their family. As their regards, stress of modern life is not considerable in compared with the joy it brings.

All in all, modern life has both positive and negative effects on family life. Therefore, people should have reasonable time management to balance the both impacts.

It is clear for all to see that , a (the) number of families have suffered from spiritual burdens it brings

Besides, heavy stressful...happen.
There are too many "and" showed in one sentence.
I suggest that the sentence should be divided into two sentences.
The first sentence should be ended after dwellers. The second sentence
should start with " Thus, mental and physical deterioration is more likely to happen."

.... These two lines have some issues with their expressions because they do not seem to flow smoothly and convincingly. Why you specifically pick lives in big cities? Your prompt is open to all modern lifestyles irrespective of people live in cities or rural areas! I think you need to be careful with grammar too;

The modern lifestyles of people , which are heavily influenced by technological advancements, are very different to what they were in previous eras. However, some people blame that they apply too much pressure on family life and it works negatively. I too partly agree with them.

... this idea is not clear at all.... you need to elaborate a bit more about what you mean by spiritual burdens. I don't find any reference to that in the forthcoming lines in this para... What do you actually mean?

Also, I feel you should concentrate on one solid reason per body para and tackle that alone. Don't crowd them with too many reasons for which you need to give too many examples.

Thank you all for pointing out my mistakes. I'll rewrite about this topic as soon as possible.