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'The New York Yankees are my favorite baseball team' - English II essay

mcgee1095 1 / -  
Jan 29, 2012   #1
I have yet to type up my intro paragraph and conclusion just because im not sure what she wants in them. This paper is our first writing assignment in the class so its just talking about ourselves. is the thesis statement good, or should it be different/rephrased?

Introductory paragraph-

Thesis statement: I could go on and on telling you a ton of different facts about me, but to shorten the list a few are; my birth place, some of my interests and hobbies, and just a few of my favorite sports teams.

Firstly, my birth place is the largest producer of oranges in the United States, yes you guessed it Florida. I lived in the south eastern part of Florida near Del Ray and Miami Beach. When we lived in Florida we would almost always go to the beach every weekend since it was fun and relaxing, and was only a couple of miles away. We would also go down the road to this gigantic park which had everything from a huge wooden jungle gym to its many baseball and soccer fields. But a mere 10 years after living there we decided we would move to North Carolina and we have been here ever since. Even though it has been 6 years since I moved from my birth place I still have some of the same interests and hobbies.

Secondly, some other information that you should know about me are my interests and hobbies. One of my favorite interests is the wonderful game of soccer, I love thrill it gives me to play, and the fast paced progression of the game. It is most likely my favorite because I have been doing it for the longest; I have been playing soccer ever since I was 5 years old. But when I am too tired from playing soccer all day, I come inside and play video game which is another one of my favorite interests. I like all the different genres of video games ranging from first person shooters to strategy/creative games. Another interest that I have, but don't do that often now is surfing. When I lived in Florida I used to go surfing a decent amount, but we moved away before I could get good at it. Since soccer is one of my favorite sports of course I have got to have a favorite team.

Lastly, I like to watch a lot of different sports, so when you watch them you have to have a favorite team. My all time Favorite soccer team is Manchester United, they are my favorite because they were the first team I heard of and they have just stuck with me throughout the years. I probably heard of them first because they are a really good team, in fact they have won the most trophies in English "football." My favorite football team would have to go to the New York Jets, even though they didn't do that well this year, they are still by far my favorite team. I like them because I grew up with my dad always rooting for the New York Jets, and that mentality has just stuck with me over the years. I think baseball would be boring to play but it's very fun to watch; I love to watch the New York Yankees play. The New York Yankees are my favorite baseball team, because of their all star team and incredible amount of wins, and achievements.

Ending transition sentence for 3rd body paragraph-

Conclusion paragraph-

Thanks for reading please post your feedback its much needed =)

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