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In North Korea it is illegal to question people in authority, thus its most corrupt country in world


jhyoon430 1 / -  
May 30, 2011   #1
Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?

This is an essay that I wrote for preparing for my SAT writing part
Please choose a score ranging from 1 to 6 and also provide me some feedback..
thank you!

The vast majority of societies around the world is largely dependent upon people in authority. They are the ones that make decisions for and implement policy into their own society to enhance standards of living. However, they can often be detrimental to society if their ideas and decisions are not questioned by other people. The two countries, North and South Korea, show the importance of questioning the ideas and decisions of people in authority.

In North Korea, it is illegal to question people in authority. If one is found to have questioned people in authority, he or she will be sentenced to prison for years. A more severe punishment is made if one is found to have criticized people in authority. Due to people's inability to question people in authority and the fact that the law prohibits the publication of anyone's opinion in any form, there is no communication made between government officials and citizens. As it is widely known, North Korea is one of the most abject and corrupt countries around the world. Because people in authority are never questioned by citizens, they have no pressure from fulfilling the demands and needs of their citizens, neglect their own citizens, and become corrupted. Ultimately, the inability to question people in authority leads to downfall of North Korean society as well as people's living conditions.

South Korea, on the other hand, is a country that accepts every concern, question, and criticism from its citizens like most democratic countries around the world. In South Korea, one is free to post his or her opinion and question about government's decisions and policy on the internet or in any form of publication. The communication between government and citizens is continuous and steady and effective. In addition, people's ability and acuity to question people in authority contributes to the improvement of decisions and ideas of government officials. As a result, the country's economy is steady and healthy, and there are certainly less corrupt politicians in South Korea than in North Korea. It is no doubt that questioning people in authority produces positive and helpful outcomes to society.

From the examination of these two opposite countries, it is proved that questioning people in authority is important to society and that a country can neither develop nor flourish without a communication channel with its citizens.

Roger Bishop - / 13  
May 31, 2011   #2
Hi William.
In your introduction concerning your position on the importantance of the right to question the ideas and decisions of the authority? Restate your thesis, your position and how you will defend your argument so that your readers will understand where you are going. You may wish to define whose authority (Government)?

From the examination of these two opposite countries,

(Are you examining the countries or the systems or political rights and civil liberties?) it is proved that questioning people ( or having the rights to question people?)

in authority is important to society and that a country can neither develop nor flourish without a communication channel with its citizens.

It is usual to finish your conclusion with a observation or prediction which you have done but also attempt to leave your readers with a question to think about.

I hope that this helps. Good luck.
Roger Bishop
bahareh 18 / 50  
May 31, 2011   #3
hi;
you're essay has a variety of vocabulary and it is well organized essay. I think your conclusion should be completed more and it may need to conclude more suggestions.

bahareh
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jun 1, 2011   #4
This sentence might need some revision:
The vast majority of societies around the world is largely dependent upon people in authority.---I think you should do it this way:
The standard of living in societies around the world are largely determined by people in authority.

The two countries, North and South Korea, show the importance of questioning the ideas and decisions of people in authority. ---Now that I see this sentence at the end of the first paragraph, I expect it to be the main idea of the essay. As i continue to read, I see that it is indeed the main idea.

In North Korea, it is illegal to question people in authority.---Good paragraph topic sentence!

South Korea, on the other hand, is a country that accepts every concern, question, and criticism from its citizens like most democratic countries around the world. --Another good one!

From the examination of these two opposite countries, it is proved that questioning people in authority is important to society and that a country can neither develop nor flourish without a communication channel with its citizens.---not bad, but let's put a few more thoughtful sentences in this conclusion paragraph.


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