reducing the problem of too many cars
The considerably increasing of cars has been considered one of the major social problems not only in one nation but also all around the world in many decades. Although this problem can be attributed to many reasons, some feasible solutions can be considered to address this.
On the one hand, the increase in cars is many bad effects not only on the environment but also on people. First, car hazardous substances discharged into the environment would lead to global warming. It's can contribute to the rising sea levels and the melting of ice air pollution. These definitely affect the surface of bodies of water and soil and detrimental harmful to the environment. Second, this extremely harmful to people's health because the environment be damaged, people exposed to air pollution. This is the reason for many diseases such as birth defects, lower reproductive rates, or even cancer.
On the other hand, I personally believe that we have to vary feasible solutions to environmental issues facing the world today. First, rising fuel prices can be best solution. In fact, if fuel prices are dramatically increasing, commuting costs would rapidly climb. People would take public transportation instead of driving a car. Second, the government should raise public awareness through a campaign or policy. For example, the Dutch government has adopted laws to regulate emissions. They replace gasoline-fueled cars with zero-emissions vehicles.
In conclusion, although accelerating cars could have a somewhat negative effect on the environment, I hope we can help reduce the whole problem by doing some environmental projects.
Overall, you responded to the prompt well. I would suggest proofreading the essay to avoid mistake such as this ,"detrimental harmful to the environment", either one of the adjective is sufficient and refrain from repeated use of ordinal adverbs.
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Do not focus only on providing reasons for the discussion. That leads to a lack of clarity and a failure of cohesiveness and coherence in your presentation. You should be concentrating on fully explaining your reasons and solutions instead of just fulfilling the discussion requirements by the number of reasons and possible solutions in your paragraphs. The key to passing this test is in the way that you prove to the examiner that you can understand the topic and provide fully developed explanations to support your reasoning statements. That requires you to focus on presenting the following:
- A topic sentence
- A supporting example
- An explanation of why the topic and example justify the problems caused
- Additional explanations in support of your topic or example
In the second paragraph, you did a good job when you used the following connected causes:
-the increase in cars ... the melting of ice air pollution.
- this extremely harmful to people's health ...or even cancer.
The problem with that presentation is that the sentences in the middle do not connect the 2 causes. You must use a unified example or a progressing example that connect the environmental problem with human health. The discussion you present became confusing when the reader came across the middle discussion, these do not connect the two topics and only caused confusion for the reader.
This was something you were able to do in the solutions presentation. While the explanation could have been better, the connected discussion topics made it easier for the reader to understand what you wanted to say. Just avoid using examples at the end of the presentation. You do not have enough sentences left to better explain the example. Always place that as the second sentence so you can use the last 3 sentences to fully detail your explanation of your reason and example.
The concluding paragraph needs to properly restate the topic, causes, and solutions. Without that recap is invalid as the essay does not come to a full circle, or a complete close.