The number of offences, mainly committed by youngsters, is on the rise in most parts of the world

Origins of increasing crime rates and proposed solution

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people.
Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

The number of offences, especially committed by youngsters, is on the rise in most parts of the world. There are some possible causes for this trend, and several remedies appear to be open to us.

Perhaps the major factor is the increasing influence of negative entertaining products such as horror games and films portraying killings and hurting. In the past, it was hard to come across such extreme examples of crime when there are no internet, meaning there are no bad examples for people to follow. But now, it appears to be easier than ever to access or chance upon media that contains criminal acts which may lead to the normalization of crime, thus increases the chance of committing crimes among people. A further cause is the lack of supervision on the use of such products, especially among young people under 18. This seems to stem from the fact that most parents nowadays are too busy to look after their kids that children are more susceptible to the progressively stimulating and easy-to-access products like this.

Turning to possible solutions, it would seem unfeasible to completely erase the crime-related contents from such medias as some of this, for example the award-winning game Resident Evils, have made huge contributions to the industry of game and culture that they now have become irremovable symbols. I would rather think putting a restriction on the access to these products, for instance by age-rating or warning about the graphic contents, would encourage people to think twice before turning to it. Secondly, parents should perhaps spend more time to control the use of such media among their children. This can be done by blocking specific websites that contain harmful graphics which will lessen exposure to malicious media in children. A further solution might be to raise awareness and educate people, especially children, about the consequences of crime so that they will not commit crime in the first place.

In summary, the factors of harmful entertaining media and lack of supervision on the use of such products appear to be the main causes. Restrictions on access to those things and education on retribution for crime may well lessen the severity of the situation.

The topic restatement is almost word for word accurate, even in word placemen. The synonyms used were perfect for the reinterpretation. However, the writer's opinion merely restates the writing questions, rather than providinc comprehensive responses to the given questions. A quick response to the cause and solution was required not only for the preliminary outline of the discussion, but also to show that the writer clearly understood what the writing intructions are. Minus points for not providing a proper thesis statement to represent a clear writer's opinion.

Uncertainty has no place in a cause and solution essay. You need to represent your opinion and reasons with conviction. That means, using words of uncertainy such as "perhaps" defeats the definite purpose of the discussion and the convicing manner with which you are expected to represent your explanation. Deductions will apply since you are not even convinced of the validity of your own opinion and therefore, you are leaving the reader confused as to your discussion points. Support your discussions strongly or lose points for not doing so.

Problems with the GRA section can also be found. A properly written paper does not start sentences with conjunctions such as "but". A conjunction is used as a sentence idea binder. Since there are no 2 connected but different ideas to be bound at the start of a sentence, such words should not be used in that paragraph position.

Further problems are to be found in this failing score presentation. However, the most evident and easiest to correct have been presented for your information here. I hope to see improvements with your next writing.