IELTS 1: Number of visitors to Louvre, Vatican Museums, London Science Museum, and Shenzhen Museum

Number of visitor to four international museums between 1980 and 2015

The line graph illustrates how many people visited four different international museums, namely, Louvre, Vatican Museums, London Science Museum, and Shenzhen Museum, over a period of 35 years, starting from 1980

Overall, it can be seen that the number of visitors to the Louvre and Vatican Museums saw an upward trend in the period time shown. On the other hand, the figures for London Science Museum experienced a gradual fall and the number of people who visited the Shenzhen Museum remained the same.

Looking at the details, Louvre received about 9 million visitors in 1995, which increased by nearly 1.2 million compared to 7.8 million in 1980. It then had a slight decline in 2000 before it reached a peak of nearly 9.5 million visitors in 2015. A similar trend was seen in Vatican Museums. It grew significantly from nearly 5 million to 9 million between 1980 and 2015.

In contrast, the number of visitors to London Science Museum remained unchanged in the first five years at 4 million, then dropped dramatically to 2.2 million in 2015. Moreover, Shenzhen Museum fluctuated between 3 million and 3.8 million visitors from 1980 to 2015.

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It is difficult to offer you advice for improvement when you have so obviously disregarded the improvement notes I offered you with your previous essay. There is no improvement to speak of with this presentation as the same errors with regards paragraph formatting, summary overview and other considerations remain the same.

Like I said, you might pass the test, but there is also an equal risk of failing the exam since you are not putting in the extra effort to gain a higher scoring consideration throughout the presentation.

This is not the type of essay that a student who wishes to gain admission into a good overseas school would provide. Overseas colleges and universities give great weight to the English exam results of the applicant when considering his admission. It is not enough to just pass. You have to use the test to prove you will excel in an English based learning environment. The better your score, the greater your admission chances. You are not displaying that desire in this test.

There are some serious issues with your essay in my opinion....
1. This line ..... Looking at the details...........to 7.8 million in 1980 is very complicated. I think you should have written this as
Looking at the details, Louvre received about 8 million visitors visited Louvre Museum in 1980, which increased by nearly 1.2 million compared to 7.8 million in 1980 by almost 1 million in the year 1995.

2. A similar trend was seen in Vatican Museums... There was a fluctuation in Louvre but Vatican rose uninterrupted. So this line can be controversial.

There are other issues but I think you already know them with the help of Holt.