Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Task1: the number of visitors and result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were

anggietw 1 / 1  
Aug 16, 2019   #1

The table and pie chart give information about visitors to Ashdown Museum.

It is clear that the total amount of visitors increase after the refurbishment, and also the percentages of visitor feeling satisfied about it rise considerately.

Before Ashdown museum was refurbished, people who feel dissatisfied made up the greatest proportion in the results of survey of visitor satisfaction, at 40%. While the figure for the same category dropped dramatically to 15% after the refurbishment. We can also see that the percentages of satisfied and very satisfied visitors combine together grew to 75%, which is much higher than the origin, only 45%.

Turning to another levels of visitor satisfaction, the percentage of very satisfied people decreased slightly from 10% to 5%, and the figure for no response group remained so at 5%. As for the total number of visitors, there was a marked rise of it, arriving at 92000 people during the year.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Aug 17, 2019   #2
Hello. It's always good to see new names on the forum. I hope you find this feedback to be helpful. Do keep coming back for more!

Before proceeding to the drawbacks, I would like to mention that your analysis of the writing is quite put together. You had quite a clear perception of how to drag your writing onwards, making your writing effective.

I would firstly recommend not compressing too much information into a short cluster of text. I have observed in your second paragraph that you had quite a distinctive writing because of the way you mesh things together. While you may find this necessary, it would be better if you can prioritize more your writing to make an extensive feedback possible.

The ending of this written work is also quite off-putting because it was quite a scattered conclusion. I recommend revising it into a simpler summation of things to assist you.
OP anggietw 1 / 1  
Aug 18, 2019   #3
Thank you so much Maria! Your suggestion is really helpful for me. Can you also give me some comment for grammar? Thanks a lot!!!!!!!

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1: the number of visitors and result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were