Hello, everybody!
English is not my first language and I really need some help to proofread my essay for nursing school.
It should address these questions:
1. Describe what high school or undergraduate experiences sparked your interest in the field of nursing
2. Describe a unique event in your life that has left a lasting impression and why this event will help you in becoming a nurse
I would appreciate any suggestions or corrections.
Thank you in advance.
I believe, nursing is the one of the most rewarding profession in the world. My grandmother was working as a nurse for 40 years at Health resort in Odessa, Ukraine. She was taking care of me as child and I have spent a lot time watching her doing work. I remember her giving people pills and taking vital signs, and administering different procedures such as blood transfusions and EKG.
I always dreamed to become a nurse and work at that Health resort. I remember one of the temporally residents had a sore (sort of erythema) on the back and my grandmother let me put and rub in the ointment for her. I gave her a little massage to help relieve the pain. She said that it helps a lot and called me her little angel. I have never seen people look so grateful. I was proud of myself and my heart was filled with joy and happiness. I could not believe that such a small thing make someone so grateful. This was the experience that sparked my interest in nursing. I was 6 years old at that time. When I was 12 my grandmother retired from the Health resort, and keep me dreaming about becoming a nurse. That is why when I got the opportunity to study for nursing I went for it, right away. I moved to New York and started nursing school at Kingsborough Community College, Brooklyn.
Unfortunately, I faced lots of difficulties while in nursing school. I failed the first semester no matter how hard I was studying. I was missing 0.02% to pass the class. The policy of school allowed me to retake this class with a grade of B. I was very upset about what happened, but I still wanted to be a nurse. I decided that if I change the strategy I used for studying that it would help. My friend and a fellow student told me about a story of student who failed the first semester, but made it through the whole program. She recommended me the text books that I can use as an additional help. I did my best and passed the class this time.
In the middle of second semester my grandmother got sick. I was very nervous about it. We were very close. I did not see her in many years because I was attending school full time and working part time. My grandmother and I kept in touch, I was telling her about my clinical experience and my grandmother explained some things to me. She always supported me and I wanted to help her. The health system is not very well developed in Ukraine. The medications my grandmother needed had to be paid out of pocket, including doctor's visits. I was really stressed and overwhelmed at that moment. I failed my second test and never made it up on the final. My grandmother had a stoke and died seven days after.
If not for this these dramatic circumstances I am sure I would graduate from KBCC summer 2017. However, we can not control everything that is happening in life.
I can not imagine my life without nursing now. I still believe that I will make it if I try once again. I went for NCLEX course. The course is focusing on complete overview of the NCLEX - RN exam and strategies that help students to answer questions using critical thinking. Also, the course provides students with 50,000 questions for practice. My goal is to do at least 20,000 questions review before I get into new program. I am sure this will make nursing program easer to me and help me towards becoming a nurse. I will be helping people during difficult times. When I am doing something useful to others I feel that my life has a purpose.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Allona, your essay is not responding to the prompt requirements at all. What you wrote is a justification essay and not a personal statement that is aligned with the prompt requirements. Information such as your grandmother becoming ill, your failing nursing school, taking the NCLEX are all unrelated information. None of these are required by the prompt. Let me try to give you some hints as to how to better respond to the prompts.
Prompt 1: Describe what high school or undergraduate experiences sparked your interest...
The response to this prompt would be any sort of volunteer activity related to nursing such as your volunteering your free time to help out at a nursing home, or working part time in a clinical facility as an assistant of sorts. The exposure you had on the job as you watched your grandmother will also qualify, provided you can justify that this happened while you were in high school and indicate some sort of help that you gave her while you were observing her.
Prompt 2: Describe a unique event in your life that has left a lasting impression and why ...
You should develop the following paragraph because it can help you respond to the prompt:
In the middle of second semester my grandmother got sick. I was very nervous about it. We were very close. I did not see her in many years because I was attending school full time and working part time. My grandmother and I kept in touch, I was telling her about my clinical experience and my grandmother explained some things to me. She always supported me and I wanted to help her.
The rest of the information about your failure in nursing school, being unable to graduate, etc. are not required information and should not be read in the essay. Just respond as best as you can to the provided prompt. That tells you what the reviewer wants to read about and should see in the essay. Don't add unnecessary information.
