Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


Ielts Task 1 - nutrients in breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks - Chart comparison



thuhienng 2 / 2  
Nov 9, 2020   #1

summarise information from the charts



The three circular charts illustrated the proportion of three types of nutrients in breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. The data was collected from typical meals in the USA. Overall, the percentages of sodium and saturated fat were seen to be the largest in the dinner meal which were 43% and 37% respectively, while added sugar made up the largest proportion in snacks (42%)

To be more detailed, the proportions of sodium and saturated fat were quite similar. The second largest proportions of these two types of nutrients were in lunch which were 29% of sodium and 26% of saturated fat, while the proportions in breakfast were the smallest which were 14% of sodium and 16% of saturated fat.

However, the chart of added sugar showed a different pattern. It can be told from the chart that dinner contained the second largest amount of added sugar. Meanwhile, the percentage of added sugar in breakfast and lunch did not have much difference: 16% of sugar in breakfast and 19% of sugar in lunch resulted in just a 3% gap.

Thank you for reviewing!


  • cambridgeielts14w.png


NguyenPhuoc 5 / 8  
Nov 9, 2020   #2
On the plus side, your essay meets the required number of words. You displayed sufficient range of information and a quite wide range of grammatical structures. The only thing I would like to recommend is that the overview part should be a separate paragraph to underline its role
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15464  
Nov 9, 2020   #3
There is an error in your identification of the image and information contained. If you review the image, it is not 3 circular images, you were given pie charts. The information within the charts refer to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, but the main identification title for the charts are Sodium, Saturated Fat, and Added Sugar. It is the latter identification that you should have presented in the summary overview, along with the pie chart divisions.

Good job in using the 3 paragraph format. However, the writing in the second paragraph is uneven. You have to present 3-5 sentences in each paragraph. Always balance your presentation. Prove an analysis of the image, not just a simple and direct reporting of information. While you need to directly report the information, you are still expected to somehow analyze the information throughout the paragraphs.

Good work overall though. It is a good start for you. I hope to review more of your Task 1 reports in the future. I am eager to guide your improvement.
rayanm729 2 / 3  
Nov 10, 2020   #4
Really impressive!
You were concise and accurate with accurate grammar and enough range in your structures.
Only edits i would make would be to put your overall in a separate paragraph, just so it's abundantly clear. Also, when expressing percentages, another way to state the figures would be 'a third of' 'just over half' and so on

Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts Task 1 - nutrients in breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks - Chart comparison
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳