Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


The obesity among children is becoming an alarming issue in a lot of regions


tragiang060699 1 / -  
Jun 9, 2023   #1

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries



Recent evident indicates that obesity in children is becoming an alarming issue in a lot of regions. This essay serve to give an insight into the reasons behind this negative situation, its effects and several solutions to deal with it.

Probably the main factor is the eating habit of children. To be precise, they usually eat junk food such as hamburgers and chip as well as drink sugary soft drinks. Those kinds of products contain large amount of sugar and fat subtances which lead to obesity. The other major cause is that children don't take part in enough physical activities. This happens because children prefer playing computer game, surfing on the Internet rather than playing outside or doing sports.

The effect of obesity can be severe, especially for children who are not fully-develop physically. Firstly, obesity can lead to overweight, unhealthy and unfit. Moreover, children have a higher risk of diseases such as diabetes, heart diseases and cancer. As the result, they will be a burden on hospitals in the future.

As we see the consequences of obesity, some actions should be taken to protect children's health. Firstly, parents and schools should give children healthy food, control what they eat in order to ensure they have a healthy diet. Furthermore, computer using time of children need to be limited and replaced by sports and exercise. Beside, government should prohibit junk food advertising that promote children to have unhealthy diets.

Overall, we see that eating unhealthy and lacking of exercise are two main reasons of obesity in children. It can lead to some serious effects mentions previously, so that parents, schools and government should take action to protect the younger generation.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,844 4785  
Jun 10, 2023   #2
This essay serve to give an insight into the reasons behind this negative situation, its effects and several solutions to deal with it.

You are over discussing the essay with target topics that are not aligned with the original prompt. The only question you have to respond to is, "What can be done to tackle the problem?" You will not gain extra points for discussing other topics not required for the presentation. Instead, you will lose points in terms of word count and relevant opinion for each unrelated discussion point. Though you tried to completely address the topic, all you did was ensure that you will get a failing score instead. Always review the original prompt and make sure you never stray from the original discussion in your discussion paragraphs. Right now, your essay is long, but mostly irrelevant in terms of discussion.
phoebecrazyyy 1 / 2  
Jun 14, 2023   #3
There are some spelling and grammatical mistakes that I noticed:
Recent evident => evidence
This essay serve => serves
as hamburgers and chip => chips
subtances => substances
Beside => besides
promote => promotes
reasons of obesity => reasons for obesity
serious effects mentions => mentioned
so that parents => so parents


Home / Writing Feedback / The obesity among children is becoming an alarming issue in a lot of regions
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳