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Old men live with young people or in the clubs? discuss.



toantva509 4 / 9  
Mar 1, 2013   #1
help me with my essay. Thank you so much in advance.
Q: Should old man live with young people together or should they live in the clubs for the elder? Discuss.

Due to the improvement in living standard, life expectancy has substantially increased for recent years. As a result, nursing the elder is now a great concern not only of family but also the government. Some people argue that family members should directly take care of the elder while others believe that it will be better for them to participate in clubs for the elder. This essay will explore both views.

People who support the former explain that no one can perform the role better than their relatives. This is because family members who are supposed to take responsibility of nursing the elder definitely know what their parents or grandparents need. in addition home is said to be the safest place to live as at that ages the thing they really need is the children's love. It is the fact that many young people suppose that they can make their relatives happy by supporting some money each month. However, no matter how good is the service is, it can not replace family feeling.

on the other hand, others feel that they should live in caring service centers. What the supporters of this view contend is that because of the modern lifestyle, young people have less time with their parents. Consequently, they can not fulfill their responsibility. By letting them participate in clubs, they are served full service including diet, medicine and entertainment. Another advantage is that they have many friends what are at the same ages so that they can talk together, share stories and ideas.

To conclude, in my view, no matter how hard the work is, young people should spend more time with their parents or grandparents who have raised them up even though they live in clubs for the elder. Obviously, at their ages material can be valueless without love.

dumi 1 / 6795  
Mar 3, 2013   #2
I guess the purpose of this writing is for IELTS or TOEFL.... If so you need to pay more attention to your essay structure. You need to have at least a 4 body para essay with Introduction, 2 Body paras and the Conclusion.

As a result, nursingtaking care of the elders is now a great concern not only of family but also the government.

..."taking care of" is the more appropriate way

Some people argue that family members should directly take care of the elder while others believe that it will be better for them to participate in clubs for the elder.

My suggestion;
Some people argue that immediate family should take care of elderly family members by having them in the family atmosphere while others believe having separate homes for the elderly people with the facilities required to take care of them is a better solution for this issue.
OP toantva509 4 / 9  
Mar 3, 2013   #3
Thank for your feedback. My writing is for IELTS, but I actually follow your structure you suggested.


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