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Older generation has bigger integration issues connected with living abroad


septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Oct 25, 2016   #1
Writing Task 1, Unit 1C, Page 16

The bar chart gives information about kind of difficulties for some people when they live overseas according to the age. All in all, the most serious issues of moving abroad is experienced by the middle age for all different types of problem and the percentage of look for schools for kids trouble is always in the last. Although the finance sorting problem is in the second position, the healthcare arrangement is always in the top rank for the middle and elderly age.

The greatest problem for people aged 35 to 54 is healthcare arrangement around 38%. The young adults aged 18 to 34 have less difficulty on it. On the other hand, people aged between 18 and 54 have much difficulty in finance sorting at more than a third percent. The old people aged over 55 have less trouble on it.

The last problem is looking for schools for kids while it has the lowest percentage. People aged 35 to 45 are harder to deal with this problem at above 15%. Meanwhile, people over 55 have less problematic with it at 2.5%. (182 words)



ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Oct 25, 2016   #2
Hi Septia,

I would like to share my insights related to your report summary in the detailed descriptions below. Hopefully, this would be helpful towards the development of your IELTS writing skill later on.

1st paragraph:
- The bar chart gives(if you want to reach a high score, do not use a B1 word)reveals the information about kind ofvarious types of difficulties for some people when they live overseas according to thethree different age groups .

- ... is experienced by the middle age group for all (...) and the percentage of people's problem inenrolling children for schoollook for schools for kids trouble is always in the last. ("always" is unnecessary because it wasn't a habitual action.)

- ...thechoosing healthcare facilitiesarrangement is always in the top rank (...) elderly age groups .

2nd paragraph:
- ... aged 35 to 54 is picking the right healthcare facilitiesarrangementaroundat approximately 38%.
- ...people aged between 18 and 54 have muchgreater difficulty in (...) more than a third percent . (read in the book again, a third, a quarter, two third, and many more are written without "percent".)

There you have it Septia, I hope you can follow the above-mentioned feedback and gain some improvements in the next practice. Good luck :)


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